


Daily FinnPoe

by CaptainSaltyMuyFancy



Series: Daily finnpoe [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Finn-centric, Fluff, Force-Sensitive Finn, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-03-01 18:46:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 26,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSaltyMuyFancy/pseuds/CaptainSaltyMuyFancy
Summary: I have pledged to write one piece of FinnPoe content a day until Episode IX premiers in hopes that we can speak FinnPoe into existence. Some of them will be 'pitches', basically tiny scripts that depict finnpoe becoming canon; some of them will be snippets; some will be shitposts; and some will be oneshots. These are not chronological unless indicated otherwise and are canon divergent more often than not. They don't all occur within the same universe and many times the events will contradict each other, but that's okay because I just want to produce wholesome content. These are mostly Finn-centric. I'm only going to post the snippets and oneshots here but you can check out my other daily FinnPoe content on my Tumblr, @captainsaltymuyfancy





	1. Daily finnpoe #5

It was after the third time he woke up in a cold sweat that Finn abandoned the idea of sleep. Escaping the Falcon’s crew quarters hadn’t been easy; Rey, Poe, Chewbacca, and the surviving members of the Resistance were asleep on mats on the floor. Finn, Rose, and General Organa had the only bunks. Poe and Rey had insisted Finn sleep in a decent bed on account of his back injury.

But the pain, both in his back and in places much less physical, tore him from his sleep and made him a shivering mess. He had carefully tip-toed around the mess of people in search of a distraction. There had to be something on the Falcon that could hold his attention until everyone else was awake. Any mundane task was better than the nightmares that awaited him when he closed his eyes.

His own footsteps, metallic and curt, made him flinch in anticipation of Captain Phasma or General Hux rounding the corner to chastise him for cleaning too slowly. _No_ , he told himself, _they’re not here. Phasma’s dead and Hux is far away. So is Ren. I’m safe._ The chant was more of a distraction than a genuine reassurance. He paced the Falcon’s cargo hold for lack of anything better to do. He tapped his fingers against his biceps and hummed a broken rhythm to a song he made up when he was younger. Just after ‘endurance training’ began. He clasped his head with his trembling hands as if to keep the memories from coming back.

“No…” he mumbled. The memories, the sensations, the fear were all coming back faster than he could distract himself. He felt his body being swallowed up by something massive and dark and he gasped for air as panic washed over him.

“Finn?” a voice called from the doorway.

_“FN-2187, this is the second time this rotation that you have been accused of coddling your fellow troopers. Report to the brig for additional endurance training.”_

“No, please…” said Finn.

“Finn?” the voice from the doorway called.

_“The First Order is built on strength. You are weak. Weakness must be purged.”_

“I’ll be stronger!” Finn assured.

“Finn!” the voice from the doorway shook Finn out of his stupor. He stumbled as his brain lurched into the present and his body lagged behind. “Are you okay?” said the voice. Finn opened his eyes, though he hadn’t realized he had closed them, and immediately recognized Poe’s iridescent face. His eye brows were arched and his gentle brown eyes seemed to be examining Finn.

“Poe…” Finn choked out.

“Yeah, buddy, it’s me,” said Poe as he approached Finn. He laid a hand on both of Finn’s elbows, feather-light at first, but his grasp quickly adapted to the contours of Finn’s arms. “What’s wrong?” He slowly stroked Finn’s arms with his thumbs.

 _I can’t get them out of my head, Poe! I ran away but they’re following me! Why won’t they go away?!_  

“Couldn’t sleep,” Finn said breathlessly. He hadn’t realized he wasn’t breathing.

“Are you in pain?” Poe asked. His head was turned ever so slightly but his eyes were still parallel with Finn’s.

“N-no.”

“I think you should lay back down, buddy,” said Poe as he slid one hand to Finn’s back, trying to guide him back to his bunk.

“No!” Finn cried out. Poe’s hand shot back to Finn’s elbow.

“Okay, that’s okay, I’m sorry. Can I get you anything?” Poe pressed. Finn shook his head. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“No! Please… don’t go,” said Finn, his arms jutting out to latch onto Poe’s.

“Okay, I won’t go anywhere. I’ll stay right here with you for as long as you want. Do you want me to get Rey?” Finn could hear Rey snoring from the other side of the ship.

“N-no. She needs sleep,” Finn replied. Poe smiled.

“You’re a good friend to her,” said Poe. Finn’s throat began to tighten and tears began to flood from his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It-it’s not… you…” Finn said as he let his eye lids fall shut, “I’m sorry, I know I’m a mess. I’m just really tired…”

“Maybe we should sit down?” Poe suggested. Finn nodded and they sat down on the floor with their backs against a crate. Poe kept one arm around Finn’s shoulders, his thumb continuing a gentle sweeping motion across Finn’s bicep.

“Nightmares…” Finn explained after a few seconds of silence. Poe nodded.

“I was afraid of that. Is there anything I can do?” Poe asked.

“Not unless you can make them go away…” Finn mumbled absentmindedly. He immediately blushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say–”

“I can try,” Poe offered. Finn blinked at him.

“What?”

“If you can try and get some rest, I can try and keep the nightmares away,” Poe explained. The genuinity in his deep brown eyes made Finn’s heart throb.

“Okay,” Finn agreed. Poe smiled and patted his chest.

“Lay your back right here so it’s resting on something. Dr. Kalonia would kill me if she found out I let you lay right on the floor with a bad back,” said Poe. Finn smiled and maneuvered himself so that his back rested against Poe’s upper torso and Poe’s legs surrounded him.

_This must be what it feels like to be a blaster in a holster…_

Poe wrapped one arm around Finn’s torso and used the other hand to gently stroke Finn’s hair.

“Go to sleep, sweetheart. They can’t get you here. I won’t let them touch you ever again. You’re safe right here with me. I’ll look out for you. I’ll make sure they don’t come back. Just breathe nice and deep and listen to my voice. That’s it, just like that. You’re doing great. Keep breathing nice and slow and deep. You’re gonna be okay. I’ll make sure of it. They won’t put their hands on you ever again,” Poe whispered against Finn’s hair. The First Order never allowed troopers access to music, so Finn’s knowledge was limited, but he was certain that this was the most beautiful song in the galaxy: Poe’s voice accompanied by his warm breath, joined by the soft thump of his heart against Finn’s back, and accented by his strong hands and their delicate grasp on Finn. When sleep greeted him this time, it was a warm embrace rather than an icy pull.

Finn had no way of knowing how long he slept, but when he woke up the lights in the main hold poured through the hallway and into the cargo hold. The air was filled with the sound of voices, shuffling chairs, and clanging dishes, and the smell of meat. And all of it was overshadowed by the sweet whooshing sound of Poe’s breathing, and accented by his beating heart. Finn stirred, knowing he should be out there but indescribably reluctant to leave Poe’s arms.

“They can wait,” Poe whispered, “Go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.” Finn let his head fall back against Poe’s chest, and allowed sleep to once again whisk him away.


	2. Daily finnpoe #6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @ JJ Abrams pls make finnpoe canon I'm begging you  
> Daily finnpoe #6

Finn kicked wildly at his covers as he woke up from yet another nightmare. This one was of Starkiller Base, of the snow sliding up his shirt and jacket sleeves as he hit the ground from the force of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber strike. He shot up in bed, panting and sweating as goosebumps spread across his body. He pulled his knees to his chest to hold in his rapidly vanishing body heat, but to no avail. He began to tremble as ragged shivers racked his body.

“Mmmm… Finn?” rasped the tired voice of the man in the bunk next to Finn’s.

“Yeah?” Finn answered.

“Y'okay?” Poe muttered.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m-m okay,” said Finn between chattering teeth, “Just go back to sleep.” Finn heard Poe’s mattress creaking just as Poe’s head peered from around the partition between their bunks. His eyes were narrowed as if the weight of his lids was almost too much to bare. His hair was plastered to the left side of his head and his skin was creased where he had been laying on folds in the pillow fabric.

“Y'cold?” Poe asked with a concerned frown.

“I’m okay. Go back to sleep,” said Finn. He wondered if he sounded as disingenuous and he felt. Poe stared back at him for a few seconds, blinking occasionally. He seemed to radiate warmth, the almost golden glow of his skin breaking through the inky blackness of their shared room. Like a moon breaking through the clouds of a rainy night’s sky.

“D'you have a nightmare?” Poe asked. He rested his chin on his own shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his pillow. His eyes were fully open now but they were glassy with exhaustion.

“I– yeah… But I’m okay, buddy, you should go back to sleep,” Finn urged as he pulled his blankets around his shoulders. Again he was met by Poe’s endearing (perhaps… loving? A part of Finn quietly hoped) stare. “Actually…” Finn trailed off. He hated the idea of spreading the chill in his bones to Poe, but Poe’s body… er… bed looked so damn inviting. He stood up and walked over to Poe’s bunk.

Poe grinned and scooted over, holding up his covers for Finn to crawl under. Finn practically jumped into Poe’s cot, and the warmth of Poe’s body nearly knocked the air from his lungs. They were both laying on their sides with Finn’s stomach facing Poe’s and his arms pulled to his chest. Poe tucked in the blankets around Finn’s back and draped a cautious arm over Finn’s torso.

“Is this okay?” Poe asked.

“Yes, definitely,” said Finn as he scooted closer to Poe. Poe used his outstretched arm to narrow the gap between them. Finn eyed the exposed crook of Poe’s collar where his neck and shoulder met. “Can I…”

“Anything you need,” said Poe with a smile. Finn rested his head on the spot between Poe’s neck and shoulder and Poe rubbed circles across Finn’s back with his outstretched hand.

The heat of Poe’s body seeped into Finn’s and seemed to melt his very bones with its intensity. Finn’s body went limp as the shivers that plagued him a few seconds ago released their durasteel grip. The inclination towards propriety was second to the power of his hypersensitive nerve endings, and Finn found himself desperately melding into the contours of Poe’s body like molten metal into a mold.

“Oh…” said Finn as he realized he was now clinging to Poe with every muscle in his body, “Sorry…” He didn’t move, though. Poe’s own limbs would have prevented that even if he had tried. Poe had his right arm wrapped around Finn’s neck and shoulders, his left arm clutching Finn’s waist, and his legs tangled with Finn’s down to the ankles. “Oh…” Finn almost gasped.

“Good night, Finn,” Poe mumbled against Finn’s temple.

Finn grinned into Poe’s neck, “Good night, Poe.”


	3. Daily finnpoe #7

Although he would never willingly wear it again, Finn found himself longing for the insulating qualities of stormtrooper armor. All trooper armor was equipped with two centimeters of durafiber lining in case of submersion in icy waters or a thin film of magma. The former had acted as an additional antagonist on Finn, Rey, and Rose’s mission to Zonju III earlier that day.

The frozen river they had to traverse in order to escape detection by a First Order patrol proved to not be as frozen as they hoped when the ice broke beneath Finn’s feet. Their mission was already complete and they were able to flee the planet in time, but a vicious ache was beginning to creep up Finn’s body. General Organa had told Finn to go to med bay but he decided against it. He had treated his fellow stormtroopers for cold exposure and hypothermia before, and didn’t see the need to bother Dr. Kalonia.

He was on his way to his room aboard the flagship donated to the Resistance by one of General Organa’s allies when he met Poe in the hall. Poe grinned at him, as he always did, and Finn’s heart couldn’t help but flutter a little bit. He hoped that was a side effect of seeing Poe’s grease-flecked cheeks, delicate eyelashes, and luscious black hair and not cold exposure. _Just act natural. Keep your distance and he won’t notice._ Finn clenched his jaw to stop it from chattering and smiled back at Poe.

“Hey bud–” Poe’s grin collapsed into a worried frown when he got a closer look at Finn.

“Hey Poe. How ar–”

“What happened to you? You’re so pale and… are you soaking wet? And shivering… Finn, you’re gonna get sick!”

“I fell in a river on our last mission. I was just on my way to my room to clean up,” said Finn as he struggled to hide his chattering teeth. He tried to readjust his jacket but he couldn’t feel his fingers. He shifted his weight to divert the growing ache in his knee joints.

“Your room is on the other side of the ship, you’ll pass out before you get there!” said Poe as panic rose in his voice, “My room is just around the corner, come on.” He took Finn’s hand and led him back down the hallway from which Finn had just come. Poe’s room was just around the corner from where they were standing. 

“In the middle of the day? You two need to learn some restraint,” said Jessika Pava as she and Kare Kun walked past the pair while Poe hammered in the code to unlock his door. 

“Shut up, Pava,” Poe growled. The door unlocked and he led Finn inside.

“Have fun, you two!” said Jessika as Poe shut the door. 

“Uh, okay…” said Poe as he rubbed his hands together and looked around. Finn couldn’t help but grin at the chaotic mess that was Poe Dameron’s room. Poe didn’t have much for clothes, but what he did have was strewn across the bed, the floor, the desk, and the chair. Balled-up socks dotted the floor, along with a single boot, candy wrappers, an empty canteen, a datapad, and a dirty plate next to the bed. 

Finn loved messes. Not for themselves, but for their ability to exist. Messiness was a sign of freedom. The ability to use and store things in the way that was most convenient for him was an exotic concept for the former stormtrooper, one which he was only just beginning to explore. There were no messes in the First Order. No wrinkled bed sheets, no dust, no crumbs, no trash. Messes were mistakes and mistakes were punished with ‘endurance training’. Repeated mistakes were punished with public execution. In the Resistance, messes were frowned on and made fun of but permitted. Finn once saw General Organa scold Poe for coming to an important meeting with grease on his face and in his hair while wearing a dirty flightsuit and unlaced boots, but she did so with warmth and caring. The Resistance didn’t punish messiness, and it was simply one more in a growing list of reasons for why Finn couldn’t be happier where he was. A twinge of guilt crept into Finn’s heart. 

“Poe, wait,” said Finn as Poe seemed to take a mental inventory of his room, “You don’t have to do this. I’m an adult, I can take care of myself. I appreciate that you want to help me but I don’t need or like to be helped,” Finn paused as his legs began to wobble and he casually leaned up against the wall, “I’ve taken care of people with cold exposure before, I know how to treat it. I don’t want you or anyone else to think that just because I was raised as a stormtrooper that I don’t know how to do anything except follow orders and hold a weapon. I can do everything that you and Rose and Snap and Jess can do, and I hate the thought of you or anyone else using their time and resources to take care of me when I can and should be able to take care of myself.”

“I’m sorry I made you think that I don’t think you can take care of yourself. You’re the most capable person I’ve ever met. If you really don’t want my help, I respect your decision to leave. I know you know how to take care of yourself, I just think your condition is dangerous due to circumstances that are beyond anyone’s control and your body objectively needs urgent medical attention. I know you know that you have hypothermia and that if you don’t get warmed up very soon, you’re going to pass out or worse. It’s your body and your life, and if you are willing to take that high of a risk then I don’t have any place trying to get in your way. If you want to play it safe and stay here, I’ll do as little or as much as you want me to until you feel better. I’d be honored to do anything I can to help you out because you’re an important member of the Resistance and someone I care a lot about. Really a lot. I guess that’s why I reacted so strongly when I saw you back there, and I apologize for overstepping my boundaries.”

“Thank you. I’m not comfortable being taken care of but I agree that I’m in tough shape…” said Finn with a slight slur. He gripped the wall behind him as his stance began to falter. Poe rushed to his aid, grabbing him by around the waist to keep him from collapsing. Finn latched onto Poe and looked him in the eye, grinning slightly. “I think I’ll stay here, if that’s okay with you.” 

“Of course it is! Here…” Poe helped him over to the chair and then frantically scanned his room, “Dry clothes,” he said with a snap of his fingers. He retrieved a set of clothing and two mismatched woolen socks and thrusted them into Finn’s arms. “You can change in the ‘fresher. I’ll get a cup of caf going. Can you walk to the ‘fresher okay?”

“I doubt it…” said Finn sheepishly. 

“Okay, no problem, I’ll help you.” Poe looped an arm around Finn and together they hobbled to the ‘fresher. When Finn was sitting down, Poe left to start the caf and Finn painstakingly changed clothes. When he was finished, Finn clung to the wall and limped out of the ‘fresher to find Poe standing over his desk. The pilot was tossing star charts, candy wrappers, toiletries, clothes, and dirty dishes onto the floor to reveal a single-cup caf brewer. His efforts were impeded by only using one hand, as the other was clutching something to his chest. “You doin’ o–” he called out as he turned around. He jumped when he noticed Finn and immediately rushed to his side. “Feeling adventurous?” he teased as he wrapped an arm around Finn’s waist and helped him over to the bed. 

“I was feeling better after sitting for a bit. What’s that you’re holding?” said Finn. Poe had already peeled back the wrinkled blankets and proceeded to drape them over Finn. 

“Oh,” said Poe. He unrolled the ball of fabric to reveal a sweater, “I was warming it up for you.” He handed it to Finn, who slowly pulled it over his head. Poe stilled for a moment, his eyes catching Finn’s as Finn absentmindedly buried his nose in the sweater and breathed in. The little heat left in Finn’s body rushed to his cheeks. 

“Er… it smells good. It smells like… you,” Finn almost whispered. Poe beamed as a giggle escaped him. He and Finn gazed at each other for a few more seconds until Poe turned back to the desk. 

“Here,” he said as he handed Finn the mug of steaming caf. Finn took it and sipped gingerly, holding the mug with both hands. He glanced at Poe over the rim of the mug just as Poe diverted his gaze from Finn to the floor. He sat down on his chair and looked around the room with no particular purpose. Finn sighed as the hot liquid ran through his body, warming him from within. “Oh,” said Poe as he jumped up. He rifled through his closet and pulled out a heavy jacket, likely reserved for guerrilla combat due to its many pockets and its weatherproof fabric. He took the mug of caf from Finn and helped him slip the jacket on.

“Thank you,” said Finn as he took the mug back from Poe, “Do you wanna sit with me?” he asked. Poe blinked back at him. 

“Def– uh, sure,” said Poe as he took a seat next to Finn. They were elbow-to-elbow and knee-to-knee. Silence fell over the room as Finn sipped his drink and his shivering ceased. Many minutes passed before Finn turned to look at Poe. Poe was smiling as he gazed off into the cluttered space before him. 

“What is it?” Finn asked. Poe turned to look at him, maintaining his grin. 

“It’s nothing. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling a lot better, my joints don’t hurt so much anymore and I barely feel cold at all. But Poe…” Finn trailed off, “I have to tell you something.”

“Sure, buddy, go ahead,” Poe said with an encouraging nod.

“You’re probably the only person in the galaxy who could get me to sit here and be babied while I’m still conscious. You know that, don’t you?” said Finn as he leaned ever so slightly in Poe’s direction. Poe grinned back at him.

“I’m honored, truly.”

“You know why, right?” Finn asked. Poe remained facing Finn but let his gaze fall to the floor. 

“I think so. Maybe it’s for the same reason I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since we first met?”

“I think so,” Finn replied. He laid his head against Poe’s shoulder. “I like this a lot. Really a lot.”

“Me too.” 

“Maybe we could do this more often? Without the hypothermia, of course.”

“Maybe,” Poe grinned. They leaned their foreheads together and closed their eyes.

“I can work with maybe.”


	4. Daily FinnPoe #9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, 0 plot, and I'm not sorry

Poe supposed the sun was shining outside, but it was weak and meaningless compared to the glow of the man laying beside him. Poe was laying on his side with one arm raised lazily above his head, upon which his head was resting as he gazed at Finn.

 _He’s so beautiful… the most beautiful being in the galaxy. In the universe._ Poe marveled as he looked upon a sleeping Finn. The morning light kissed Finn’s skin wherever it could reach, giving him an aurate glow. Finn's lucious lips were relaxed and turned into the shape of the faintest smile. Poe hoped desperately he was having good dreams for once.

Finn loved sleeping in. It had taken him a few months to break his First Order-induced habit of getting up at exactly 05:45, but once he did, he could sleep until almost noon on his days off. Poe always tried to sleep in with him, but he found it impossible to keep his eyes closed when he knew Finn’s face was inches away from his.

Their hands were intertwined, and Poe knew Finn was slowly awakening when Finn’s grasp momentarily tightened around Poe’s hand. Finn stirred slightly, rolling his shoulders and squeezing his eyes shut before letting them flutter open. Poe’s chest began to burn.

“Morning, love,” Poe whispered.

“Good morning. I love you,” said Finn with a smile. Poe’s heart hit his chest like a battering ram. He always thought his death would come from a space battle amongst the stars. But hearing Finn say he loved him every morning, when the sun crested just above their window and lit up Finn’s eyes like fireworks… Poe wouldn’t have been surprised if his heart would simply explode one day. That or he would simply stop breathing.

“I love you, too,” he choked out. They leaned in for a kiss, forehead to forehead, cheek to cheek, nose to nose, chin to chin. Finn’s lips were always so soft and the heat of his skin was searing. The movement of their lips was languid and purposeless like the soft breeze that blew through the prairie outside their room on the Resistance base. Poe let one hand rise to stroke Finn’s cheek while the other came down to wander through Finn’s soft black hair.

“What’s on the agenda for the day?” Finn muttered against Poe’s lips as he stroked Poe’s jaw with his knuckles. His touch rippled through Poe like an electric current.

“Not sure. Wouldn’t mind some more kissing, though,” Poe replied. Their lips returned to each other.

“I think that can be arranged.”


	5. Daily FinnPoe #10

"Hey Finn!" said Rey, throwing her arms around Finn in one of her infamous vice grip hugs as he and Poe walked past the workshop from the commissary. Finn and Poe both jumped but Rey maintained her grip on Finn. "Can I ask a favor of you?" 

"Of course, Rey, anything." She took his hand and led him through the maze of work tables and machines, Poe trailing close behind them. They stopped in front of a table at which Rose was seated, frowning down at her datapad. 

"It's got to be a thirteen-gauge. I mean, look at those spindles!" said Rose. 

"The spindles don't mean anything, look at the pressurizer!" Rey said as she pointed a grease-covered finger at the image on Rose's datapad. Finn and Poe exchanged confused glances. "Finn, we need you to settle this. Rose thinks that's a thirteen-gauge thanolizer in the blueprints but I say it's a seven-gauge oxylator. It's an oxylator, right?" Finn examined the datapad, using his pointer and middle finger to enlarge and then shrink the image. He wiped cleaned the grease from the datapad's screen off his finger using a cloth he had in his pocket. 

"Well, that type of engine only uses even number-gauged parts..." said Finn is his best diplomat voice. Poe bit back a grin. Finn always raised his eye brows and glanced at the floor whenever he was acting as a peacekeeper. Poe had quickly memorized all of Finn's facial expressions and ticks. 

"So we're both wrong!" Rey exclaimed with a clap on the table.

"That... actually makes more sense," said Rose, "Hey, as long as you're here, could you bring this to the hangar for me? I was supposed to give it back to Nien a few hours ago but I've been bogged down with repairs."

"Of course!" said Finn as he took a small tube from Rose, "I'm here to help." He and Poe departed the workshop and headed for the hangar. 

"What've you all got going today?" Poe asked Finn. He casually hooked his arm with Finn's. Finn seemed to enjoy casual physical contact. 

"Well after I drop this off with Nien I have to go help Jess clean out the auxiliary cannon chambers on her x-wing. Then I'm meeting Niv in HQ to teach him how to install First Order code decryptors on some data sticks he scrounged up from I-don't-want-to-know-where. Then I'm taking over a ground patrol shift for a few hours so one of the guards can watch her brother's wedding on the Holonet..." 

"Sounds like you'll be busy," Poe mused. 

"All in a day's work," Finn said with a smile, "Hey Nien." Finn handed the Sullustan the tube and he and Poe continued on their journey. Poe couldn't remember where they were going.

"Wait, didn't you say you were going to take a group of trainees out in the jungle for target practice?" said Poe. 

"Yeah, I'll do that after my meeting with Niv and before my patrol shift."

"Buddy, that sounds like a lot for one day. Dr. Kalonia said you're supposed to take it easy..."

"I can't take it too easy. I'm a bit of big deal around here, y'know," said Finn as he nudged Poe's side with his elbow. Poe smiled and looked at Finn, who was gazing back at Poe with one of his million-credit grins. Poe couldn't be sure, but he thought his heart stopped for a few seconds. He walked with Finn until they reached Jess and her ship, which was taken apart and the parts of which were strewn all over the hangar floor. Finn's eyes grew wide at the sight of the mess but he jumped in anyway. Poe smiled as he walked away, though the physical stress Finn was putting himself through left a sagging feeling in his stomach.

 

Air and space patrols had been normal and Poe was glad to be back on the ground. Normally Poe would've been happy to stay in space until Black One was almost out of fuel, but things had changed. Finn was on the ground now.

Poe unlocked the door to the room he shared with Finn and tiptoed inside, hoping Finn was fast asleep after his long day. 

"Finn = still gone," BB-8 beeped from his charging port. 

"Still? Have you heard from him? Is he okay?" Poe flipped on the light. The only sign that Finn had been there in the last fourteen hours was a basket of dirty laundry sitting atop his bed. 

"BB-8 = saw Finn with General Organa in control room @ 09:38. Finn = appeared to be hand-deciphering star ship data logs."

"Aw Finn..." Poe moaned. That would take hours. "He's gonna run himself ragged!" Poe sat down on his bed, considering whether or not to take off his boots and call it a night. "I'll be right back," he said as he leaped up and grabbed Finn's laundry basket. BB-8 beeped dismissively as he left the room. 

 

The laundry room was empty and Finn had few clothes, so the chore went quickly. He and Finn arrived at their room at the same time. 

"Hey, there you are!" said Poe. Finn beamed until he saw what Poe was carrying. Finn took the basket from Poe and stared back at him.

"Did you do my laundry?" he asked with a frown. Poe's heart sank at Finn's furrowed brow. 

"Uh, I... I had some to do yet tonight and I figured I might as well--" Poe stammered as they entered the room.

"Poe Dameron = lying. Poe Dameron = only does laundry monthly," said BB-8.

"I know, Bee..." said Finn, "Why did you do this?" he asked Poe. Poe felt his face turning red and his hands began to shake. Had he done something wrong? Finn had never been anything less than warm and cheerful with him.

“You’re always taking care of other people, Finn. When I’m working in the hangar, you bring me water and snacks. When Rey hurts herself with her lightsaber during Jedi training, you give her first aid. When Rose is fixing a really big pipe, you hold the bolts in place. When Snap is in the cantina drinking too much, you order him food and make sure he drinks water. When BB-8 gets a pebble stuck in his chassis you take it out with a tweezers and buff out the dent. When General Organa’s working late in the command center you sit there and help her with data work and bring her caf. You’re always caring for other people and hardly anybody does anything for you.”

“Because I don't _like_ people helping me!” Finn snapped, “I’ve always taken care of myself and I always will. I spent some of my first days with the Resistance in a literal bubble and that’s humiliating for me. Everyone else was trying to escape the First Order and save the Resistance but I was in the way, I was taking up people’s time and resources when they should’ve all gone to the war effort. I like helping people, I like feeling useful. I want to pull my own weight here, and I hate the idea of people wasting their time on me when they should be fighting the First Order.”

“You’re not a waste! Don’t say that!” Poe shouted. This time it was Finn who looked taken aback. “It's great that you want to help people and I love that about you, but you have to take care of yourself, too. Look at you, you looked exhausted! You're supposed to be taking it easy so your back heals up properly but you're running all over base doing stupid errands for people who can't manage their time wisely,” Poe ran his hands through his hair, "I just... it makes me sick, seeing you hurting yourself like this. You've done so much already, Finn. For the Resistance, for the galaxy, for your friends... You've done more to help the Resistance than practically anyone, you've overcome obstacles that most of us can't even fathom, and you're still so... amazing and kind and generous and loving and _good_. All you do is give and give and give and soon you're gonna be running on empty and you deserve so much better than that." Finn stared back at Poe, a single tear sliding down his cheek. 

"That scares me, putting myself in someone else's hands like that. But I keep doing all these things and it never feels like enough, you know? I feel like I still owe everyone. Even after my back hurts and my feet ache and I'm too tired to stand up." Finn sat down on his bed and let his head fall back against the wall. Poe sat down next to him. 

"I don't want you to be scared or uncomfortable, but I don't want to watch you tear yourself apart. Does what I'm saying make sense to you? Or should I just mind my own business?" said Poe as a ball of fear lodged itself in his gut. 

"No, it makes sense. I know I've been pushing myself too much but I don't know what else to do."

"Well what would you like to do? Is there anything you want to try? Painting, hiking, singing..."

"Resting. I just... I just want to lay in one place for a while and not be moving or talking or thinking. Is that bad?" said Finn as he turned to gaze into Poe's eyes. 

"Not at all! Rest is healthy and natural, and you have a major deficit. That's what a lot of people want, and it's good." Finn nodded.

"Will you do it with me?" Finn asked.

"YES-- yes, of course, I'd be honored," said Poe as his heart threatened to run straight through his chest. Finn nodded and went to change into his bed clothes in the fresher. Poe changed as well and sat down on his bed to scroll through his datapad. He hadn't noticed Finn leave the fresher until a hand stretched out for his. Poe took it and Finn led him to his bed on the other side of the room. They laid down, Poe on his back and Finn on his stomach on top of Poe. Poe stroked Finn's back with one hand and caressed Finn's arm across his chest with the other. Finn's forehead was touching Poe's ear and they were sharing Finn's pillow. Finn was asleep within seconds Poe carefully used his own datapad to notify the higher-ups of Finn's recovery day, and Poe's vacation day. The first one he ever used. 

 

The morning was dark and rainy, and a dense fog kept Poe from looking out at the rolling green foothills and Finn slumbered on his chest. Finn stirred only once just after the sun rose. His face aligned with Poe's and they touched fore heads first, then noses, then cheeks, then lips, then chins. Poe hoped Finn couldn't feel his thundering heart beat but even if he could, Finn didn't seem to mind. Finn submitted to the embrace of sleep once more and Poe joined him, his lips forming sweet words of nonsense on the top of Finn's head as Finn let his responsibility go, even if only for a little while.


	6. Daily finpoe #12

_"You killed him, FN-2187. You were too weak to protect him and he died. You killed him."_

_"No! I would never hurt Slip!"_

_"You killed them, FN-2187. You stood by and watched as the villagers were shot down like animals. You killed them."_

_"No! I didn't fire a single shot!"_

_"You killed them, FN-2187. You knew Starkiller Base would eventually target the Hosnian system and you did nothing. You killed them."_

_"No! There was nothing I could do!"_

_"You killed him, FN-2187. You stood on that ledge and did nothing as Han Solo was murdered. You killed him"_

_"No! Ren did it!"_

_"You killed them, FN-2187. You are weak and cowardly. You have always been a failure and you are doomed to stay one. You don't deserve a name and you don't deserve to be loved."_

"NO!" Finn shouted as he shot up in bed. He pulled himself into a ball with his arms wrapped around his legs and his forehead resting on his knees as he began to sob.

"Finn?" said Poe groggily as he arose from a deep sleep. He sat up. "Aw Finn..." he said somberly as he laid his eyes on his roommate. He strode across the room and sat down next to Finn on his bed. A warm, gentle hand came to rest between Finn's shoulder blades. "What's wrong, buddy?"

Finn wanted more than anything to tell him he was fine, to not worry about him and go back to sleep, but his spasming muscles wouldn't let him. 

"N- I-" he choked out.

"Are you in pain? Should I call a med droid?"

"N-n-no. Please..." 

"Okay, bud, I won't," said Poe as he began to rub Finn's back, "Take deep breaths, pal, deep breaths. In..." he said before inhaling, "Out..." he said with an exhale. He repeated the process for several minutes, with Finn slowly matching up with his pattern. Poe slid his arm all the way across Finn's back and waited for a moment, ensuring Finn's comfort before gently pulling him against his chest. Finn turned into Poe so that his knees were nearly touching Poe's stomach.

"I k-killed them. Slip, the villagers, the Hosnian system, Han Solo, I killed them all," Finn bawled. 

"How so, sunshine?" 

"I was weak and a coward! I failed them!"

"No, Finn..." said Poe as he wound his other arm around Finn's legs so that Finn's entire body was in his embrace, "You didn't fail anybody. The galaxy failed you."

"W-what?"

"It's like... it's like the Force has never known someone as good and pure and wonderful as you and it doesn't know how to react so it lets the galaxy overwhelm you when it should be protecting you."

"That doesn't make sense," said Finn as he scooted even closer to Poe.

"Then how can I make it make sense to you?" said Poe as he maneuvered his legs so that they were wrapped around Finn, "I don't have the Force and I'm not really great with words, but there has to be some way I can explain it to you..." Poe said. He laid his head on top of Finn's as his hand slowly stroked every part of Finn's tightly-bound body they could reach. They sat in silence for several minutes, the only sound to be heard being Finn's muffled whimpers into the crook of Poe's neck.

Poe realized this was the most and the most prolonged physical contact he and Finn had ever shared. More than he had shared with almost anyone. With anyone else he would have held back on contact, maybe a reassuring pat there or a hug when appropriate. But it was different with Finn. He felt drawn to him by gravity, only it was so much stronger.

"You're so good, Finn. You're good and loving and kind and gentle and compassionate and selfless and you're... You're like a sun. You're the biggest, brightest, strongest, most beautiful sun in the galaxy and everything that has been, is now, and will ever be wants to be in your orbit. People, critters, plants, sounds, ideas, feelings, they all want to be close to you and they almost crush you. They almost smother your light but you always hold out. Every time you get knocked down, no matter how far you fall, you always get back up. You're perfect, Finn."

"Then why do I feel so guilty? My whole life I've felt like I've done something wrong, like I have something to hide or be ashamed of, but I've never known what it is. I always feel so guilty and I don't know why! There has to be a reason," Finn wept, his tears dampening the neck and shoulder of Poe's tee-shirt. 

"That's not _your_ guilt, Finn. That's somebody else's, it just latches onto you because that's what everything in the galaxy wants to do. The galaxy is a good place but there's a lot of bad people, and for some sick reason, you've been surrounded by them. They've seen how good you are, how sweet and gentle you are, and they tried to break you. They blamed you for things you didn't do and made you feel guilty even though you've done nothing to deserve it. And you can't shake that feeling even though you know you should be able to because you're the center of the universe and once something gets pulled into your orbit, it's hard for you to get rid of it. But you can do it, Finn. You're so strong and so brave and so pure, I know you can overcome this guilt that was forced on you. You're not weak, Finn. You're not a coward. You're not a failure. Not you. Never you."

Finn lifted his head to look into Poe's eyes and the tension in his muscles began to slip away. Finn knew that he didn't deserve most of the guilt he felt, that it was a product of cruel and abusive people who manipulated him his entire life. He knew it but he never believed it. But Poe... He trusted Poe. Poe was smart and kind and honest. If Poe believed it, maybe one day Finn could, too.

"Do you really believe that or are you just saying that to make me feel better?" He was still shaking but the sobbing and whimpering had stopped.

"Every word. I believe every word and so, _so_ much more. Finn," said Poe as his eyes bore into Finn's, "You should be so proud of yourself. You should be able to see yourself the way the rest of the galaxy does. It's not fair that everyone gets to see all the beauty and perfection that is you and you can't even see it yourself." Finn let his head fall to Poe's shoulder and Poe rested his forehead on Finn's temple. Finn released the remaining tension in his body so that Poe's firm but gentle grasp was the only thing keeping him in place. "But you should try to get some more sleep, sweetie."

"Will you stay with me?" said Finn as he clutched Poe's tee-shirt.

"Sweetheart if that's what you want, nothing could drag me away." Finn closed his eyes and let his arms rest on Poe's waist. His head was nestled in Poe's neck and at some point their legs had become intertwined. The languid rhythm of Poe hands stroking his back, arms, and legs lulled him to the edge of a deep sleep. And just as the familiar blackness of slumber blanketed him in its heavy cloak, Finn could have sworn he heard Poe say, in less than a whisper and for no one's ears, "I love you."


	7. Daily FinnPoe #14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to rewrite TLJ and I've been brainstorming scenes and I decided to do a snippet in which Finn and Poe go to Canto Bight together like they originally were going to.

Canto Bight was… different. It wasn’t bad exactly, but it was a bit overwhelming. The luxurious garb, the clanging slot machines, the smell of alcohol, the dense crowd… it certainly wasn’t a situation to which Finn was accustomed. But it was exciting, that much he couldn’t deny, even if the sensory overload left him a little bit dizzy.   
“Whoa…” said Finn as he noticed some kind of game table with dice and a spinning wheel in the middle. He rushed towards it and stopped between two players, who gave him scathing side-eye glances. The colors of the wheel, the clink of the dice, the pile of credit tokens in front of each player, all of it was so exotic, Finn couldn’t help but grin and laugh. He turned to Poe, wondering if he was similarly awed by the spectacle.   
Poe certainly appeared to be, but his focus wasn’t on the gamblers or the tables or the sounds or the smells. He was gazing at Finn, a warm, dazed, almost goofy grin tugging at the left side of his face. It almost looked out of place given how tired and tense Poe was, but at the same time it was so uniquely and intrinsically Poe…   
Finn smiled back, though he got the impression there was something going on that he didn’t fully understand. They looked at each other a few more seconds, until blush flooded Poe’s cheeks and he looked away.   
“Red lapel pin, right?” he said as he made an effort to examine every part of the room that didn’t have Finn in it.   
“Right…” said Finn. _What was that about?_


	8. Daily Finnpoe #16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is canonically a huge nerd and so am I

"What're you reading?" Poe asked as he laid a feather-light kiss on Finn's hairline. They were laying in what was once only Poe's but was now their shared bed. Poe was sitting up against the headboard and Finn was draped across him with his head on Poe's chest. Finn leaned his head back to gaze up at Poe and smiled.

"Some biology text I downloaded for free from the Holonet. It's really interesting!"

"Yeah? What's it say?" Finn sat up and pivoted so that he sat crosslegged, facing Poe.

"This is really cool," he said as he turned on his datapad's projector function and displayed an image of an adult bantha, "Did you know banthas only need to drink two liters of water in a Standard year to survive? Two liters!"

"Whoa, two liters, that's it?"

"Yeah, it blows my mind! I mean, look at how _big_ these things are!" Finn pinched the screen and zoomed in on the image. "The average adult bantha weighs almost _nine thousand pounds_! Plus they're covered in all that fur and they're from a desert planet. You'll never guess how they stay cool." The reflection of Finn's datapad twinkled in his wide eyes like stars. 

"They don't move much?"

"Close! They have these organs here and here," Finn pointed to a spot on the beast's chest and on its lower gut, "that take in all the gases that are generated when the muscles and joints contract and then they process it into a fluid that then circulates through the main arteries. It keeps their insides cool and it keeps them hydrated without the need for water. Isn't that crazy?!"

"Yeah, buddy, that's wild."

"I know! Nature is so amazing, you know?" Finn said as he hooked his legs over Poe's and leaned his head on his shoulder, "It's not like a machine or a weapon or a droid, nobody designed it. But it just... works. In the most amazing ways." Poe stroked Finn's sides with his thumbs. 

"It's truly incredible."

"Yeah," said Finn, scooting closer to Poe, "I think if the First Order hadn't taken me I would've been a biologist."

"You would be spectacular at that."

"But then it's kind of sad because I wouldn't've met you..." He wrapped his arms around Poe's waist.

"Aw, Finn..." Poe muttered as he clutched Finn's torso, "That's not necessarily true. We have biologists that work for the Resistance."

"That's true," Finn agreed, "But even with everything that's happened, if it had to happen for me to meet you... I'm glad." 

"Aw, Finn..." Poe's voice cracked and tears fell on Finn's shoulder. 

"I love you," said Finn into Poe's ear. It was like a promise, a vow to outlast the stars and space and time itself. Poe couldn't tell if just he was sobbing or if they were both crying.

"I love you, too."


	9. Daily FinnPoe #19

"Hello?" Finn called out. His voice echoed down the dark space before him. Where he was, and why and how he was there, were all a mystery. He suspected he was standing in a long corridor, though he had no tangible evidence to back this up. But as the sound traveled down the hallway, lights began to flick on. One by one they ignited with the mechanical lurch that was typical of First Order lighting. It was a corridor, as he thought, and the lights were leading him down it. His legs took him in the direction in which the sound was traveling, first at a walking pace but slowly graduating to a sprint. Not by his choice, of course. He didn't know where he was and he didn't care to get even more lost. But he had no choice in the matter, and he found himself being whisked toward the distant darkness, bathed in sterile white light. His legs came to a stop in front of a door, the first door he noticed since he found himself in the corridor. It had no keypad and no handle. He knocked for lack of anything better to do and the door slid open. Inside was a single bunk, draped with a coarse gray blanket and topped with a dingy white pillow. Upon the blanket sat a little boy, no... a toddler. He had dark brown skin and a shadow of black hair existed where his head had been shaved. His feet didn't reach the floor and his chubby little hands were rubbing tears from his wide brown eyes. 

"Daddy?" he whimpered. He pulled his hands away and stared up at Finn. The boy was dressed in a long-sleeve gray shirt and long gray pants of the same fabric. His shoes, like his clothes, were scuffed and worn, like they had fit many a toddler before him and would fit many a toddler after him. Finn bolted, leaving the room and running in the same direction as before. He passed many more doors but didn't stop to investigate them. 

"Wait!" a tiny voice called out. Finn could hear footsteps coming towards him. He kept running. "Wait!" Finn looked behind him and saw the little boy, a few years older now, chasing after him. His tears were dry and he was wearing a training jumper. 

"No!" Finn cried out. He kept running. 

"Come back!" said another voice. He turned around as he ran and saw the same boy, though he had aged a few more years. He was probably ten, and wore junior trooper armor. 

"Get away!" Finn begged. His legs burned with exhaustion but he pressed on.

"FN-2187!" said a deeper voice. Finn looked back and saw the boy had once again aged and was well into his teens.

"Leave me alone!"

"Traitor!" his own voice called. Finn stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. He saw himself now, wearing a full set of chrome stormtrooper armor, minus the helmet. His eyes burned with rage as he drew closer. Blood smeared his chrome armor and he left bloody foot prints in his wake. Behind him Finn could make out three bodies, two women and one man. The first was Rose, curled into a lose ball. Behind her was Rey, laying on her back, eyes closed softly. The last was Poe, slumped up against the wall with dozens of blaster bolt holes burned into the front of his brown jacket. 

"NO!" Finn sobbed. He fell to his knees. The Finn in chrome armor approached him, staring down with cold satisfaction. He drew a red lightsaber and the lights went out. 

Finn shot up in bed, screaming and teetering on the brink of hyperventilating. 

"It's okay," said a dazed voice next to him. Finn felt himself pulled into a shaky embrace, "It's okay, it's okay."

"No..." Finn whimpered. The room was spinning in complete circles and his head throbbed. His back and shoulder burned like acid and his joints and muscles ached. He stretched out his hands in search of something to grab on to so he could right the room, but his sense of direction was off and his arms simply got tangled with each other and with the blankets. "No..." 

"Baby it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. We're in our room on the Resistance base, you're safe." 

"No!" Finn tried to warn the voice. The voice was sweet and warm and it had no idea the danger it was in. A warm light penetrated the trembling darkness and the room ground to a halt, the shock feeding his headache. Two hands grasped Finn's face and he shut his eyes and continued bawling. 

"Finn!" the voice begged. Something clicked and Finn slowly opened his eyes. Directly in front of him was a man with tan skin, brown eyes, long black lashes, and a head of tangled brownish-black hair. He had a slightly hooked nose, a sharp jaw line speckled with five o'clock shadow, and tiny scars on his right temple and cheek. 

"Poe..." Finn sighed with relief. Poe nodded. 

"Yeah, baby, it's me. It's me, Poe. You're safe, you're okay. You're okay. I've got you." Finn rested his forehead against Poe's and closed his eyes.

"Please... tell me where we are," Finn whispered. 

"We're in our room, 45-Kresh, on the Resistance base on MR-406, in the Outer Rim. We've been here for three months, we got here just after the battle on Crait. One of General Organa's allies told us about this base from the Clone Wars and we've been regrouping here. We're safe. You're safe." Poe kissed him once. Twice. Finn kissed him back on the third and Poe pulled Finn tightly to his chest. He slid an arm up the back of Finn's shirt and massaged the area around his scar. Finn sighed and laid his head on Poe's shoulder. Poe kissed any part of Finn he could reach: his lips, his cheek, his nose, his temple, his forehead, the back of his neck... 

"Poe..." said Finn as his arms snaked around Poe's torso and latched on to him. He maneuvered his legs so they sat perpendicular on top of Poe's. Poe pulled Finn tight against his body with both arms and kissed and massaged any patch of Finn's skin he could reach. 

"You're safe, buddy, I've got you. They can't get to you here. Think about how nice it is outside. How the grass here is a little bit blue and it's so soft and we like to lay in it after supper and look at the stars. We just did that tonight, remember?"

Finn remembered. It had been a warm, sticky evening and the only breeze to be found was blowing across the plateau just outside the improvised mess hall. They had laid on their backs in the grass and held hands in complete silence. It was too humid to see many stars but that wasn't really the point. 

They had started kissing, a lot, but then Rey and Rose snuck up on them and teased them, and they spent the rest of the night all looking at the sky together. 

It had actually been a wonderful evening, but his nightmares needed no prompt in order to manifest. No matter how wonderful the evenings, how pleasant the afternoons, how peaceful the mornings, Finn's sleep was always haunted by the horrors lurking in the back of his mind. Nothing could stop them from coming, at least nothing he had tried. But there was someone who could soften their effects. Someone whose gentle touch dried his tears and whose soft kisses soothed his ragged breaths. Someone who smelled of motor oil, sweat, and cheap soap that Finn tried to talk him out of using because it made his skin dry if he went more than a day without showering. Someone who sang absentmindedly and kissed passionately and flew expertly and walked gleefully and talked openly and loved unconditionally. 

"Do you wanna talk about it? Your dream, I mean," said Poe. Finn laid back down and pulled Poe with him. He laid on his back and Poe on his side, stroking Finn's hips and kissing his forehead. 

"I, uh... I don't remember much of it. Anymore."

"That's probably good. Do you want me to get you anything? Some water, a snack, another blanket-"

"No, baby, I'm okay. Just... keep kissing me?" Finn asked. He felt rather than saw Poe grin against his skin. He wrapped his arms around Finn and held him close, all the while planting kisses on his forehead, cheek, chin, jaw, nose, and lips. The nightmares would come back, and Finn would wake up weeping and panicking. But Poe would be there, too, and that was more than enough.


	10. Daily FinnPoe #20

Poe knew when Finn was uncomfortable, and he recognized all of the different types of discomfort Finn felt. When someone called him a stormtrooper or made a jab about his First Order ties, his gaze fell to the floor and he wrung his fingers incessantly. When he heard a loud noise that triggered an unpleasant memory, his eyes shifted nervously and he slowly backed up against the nearest wall. When his back hurt during the waking hours, he assumed a rigid posture and tried to hide his limp. When his back hurt while he slept, he whimpered and grasped his sheets in clenched fists. When he was having a depressive episode, his eyes clouded over and his gaze was empty and unfocused. When he was having a panic attack, his breathing was choppy and his whole body trembled. 

But tonight Finn was laying on his side, facing the wall, curled into a ball with his arms pressed to his stomach as he slept, and Poe was concerned because he wasn't sure what that meant.

Finn had gone to bed early that night and assumed that position before falling asleep. He was trying out a new sleeping medication prescribed to him by Dr. Kalonia to combat his night terrors. He had taken it just before his shower and it kicked in much faster than expected. Poe, on the other hand, was still awake, combing through star charts and plotting Blue Squadron's upcoming journey through the Anoat Sector. But his focus was on Finn, and he frowned as Finn whimpered and stirred awake. 

"What's up, sweetheart?" Poe asked, setting his work down on the bed side table to his left and turning to Finn on his right.

They had been sharing a bed for months now, although it wasn't built to be occupied by more than one person. It wasn't long after they confessed their love that they found themselves inhabiting the same bed, often laying on top of each other for lack of horizontal space and want of physical intimacy. Finn slept on the left side, which was pushed up against the wall. He felt more secure sandwiched between two solid forms, in this case Poe's warm body and the wall. 

"Nothing," Finn squeaked out, his eyes still clamped shut as if he was trying to force himself back to sleep. 

"Come on, babe, I know something's wrong. You're in pain?" said Poe as he gently rubbed circles on Finn's back. 

"Stomach burns," said Finn. That was new. The only pain Finn ever spoke of was his back wound. 

"Anywhere specific?"

"All over. On the inside." His voice was strained with sleep and pain. 

"Finn's chassis = defective?" BB-8 chirped from his charging port at the foot of the bed. 

"Uh, I don't know, Bee. Do me a favor and search 'stomach burning' as a symptom on the Holonet, okay?" Poe continued rubbing Finn's back. "Should I call Dr. Kalonia?"

"No, please, don't."

"Okay, babe, you got it. Got anything, Bee?"

"BB-8 = compiling relevant search results. Most pertinent = article from New Republic Division of Public Health. Subject = potential causes of 'stomach + burning'. BB-8 = share result?"

"Go for it, bud."

"Potential causes of symptom: stomach + burning = hunger, indigestion, irritated stomach lining, Toydarian red fever, poison. BB-8 = display less pertinent results?" 

"Uh..." Poe racked his brain for a response. Medicine was not his area of expertise, and most of his brain was devoted to trying to comfort Finn. Finn slowly flipped over to his other side and rested his head in Poe's lap, wrapping his arms around Poe's waist.

Hunger was a possibility, though they had only eaten supper a few hours previous and Finn had never experienced hunger pains before. At least not that he mentioned. Indigestion was possible but unlikely. The commissary served the same meal of a single plump fyrnock wing and Dantooinian prairie oats every Benduday and it was always... adequate. Toydarian red fever was unlikely, as was poison, for Finn would have had no exposure to either. That left the most likely culprit to be an irritated stomach lining. Poe had an idea. "Finn, where are those pills Dr. Kalonia gave you?"

"Fresher sink," Finn mumbled into Poe's lap. Poe gingerly stood up and filled the vacancy left by his body with a pillow, bestowing a kiss on Finn's head. He found the bottle of pills on the sink and examined the label. 

"Baby, did you take this with food?" Poe asked as he emerged from the fresher with the bottle of pills and a glass of water for Finn in hand. Finn shook his head. 

"I just ate like..." Finn checked the chrono by the bed, "...four hours before that. Why?" 

"The directions say you have to take this within an hour of a meal or with a snack, or else it could cause stomach pain." 

"Oh," said Finn, reaching for Poe to sit back down on the bed. Poe placed the glass of water in his outstretched hand. 

"Drink this, okay? I'm gonna get you something to eat."

"No, Poe, I can't even _think_ about eating right now." 

"Okay, doll face, no problem. Bee, can you go to the infirmary and get something to calm Finn's stomach?"

"BB-8 = return shortly! Poe = get Finn milk! Milk = soothes humanoid stomach irritation." Poe obeyed. 

"Bee, wait... don't tell anybody it's for me, okay?" Finn asked. BB-8 paused to listen to Finn but left without reply. Finn sighed as he sipped his glass of water. 

"He won't say anything, love," Poe said as he replaced Finn's pillow with his lap and swapped Finn's water for a cup of milk. 

"I know," he said between sips, "I just feel so stupid." 

"Why, darling?" The milk was already half gone, so Poe reasoned it must have helped. 

"I should've read the bottle before I took the pills. I just wanted to sleep so bad..." Finn set the empty cup on the floor. 

"Yeah, you haven't gotten shit for sleep lately, have you?" said Poe. He massaged Finn's back and shoulders and Finn's body began to relax. "How are you feeling now?"

"The milk helped, I think, thank you. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"Sorry? What for?"

"For distracting you from your work. For being so needy."

"You are not being needy, Finn, and I'm glad for the distraction. I'm just sorry it had to be because you're hurting." BB-8 returned and held a bottle in his outstretched pincers. He threw the bottle at Poe and it landed in the small of Finn's back. "Thanks, Bee," said Poe. 

"Thank you so much, BB-8," said Finn. The droid beeped dismissively and returned to hibernation mode. Poe refilled Finn's cup of milk and Finn took one of the pills from the new bottle. Within a few minutes he was asleep in Poe's arms. Poe switched off the light and slowly shimmied down under the covers so as not to disturb Finn. When he was fully horizontal and Finn was draped over top of him, he nestled the bridge of his nose in the crook of Finn's ear. 

"I love you, shooting star. Sleep well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna go ahead and project all my mental and chronic physical illnesses onto fictional characters, thanks. Fun fact about me: I take lots of harsh pills for my myriad of maladies (I didn't mean for that to sound as cool as it does but I'm not gonna change it) and I'm too scattered-brained to eat regularly, so I came up with the idea for this fic last night while laying bed, wondering what it's like to be a functional adult.


	11. Daily FinnPoe #21

Finn first realized he had never seen Poe angry when they were hanging out in the hangar. Finn had only been with the Resistance a week or so, and his reception had been controversial. Many people flocked to him, telling him he was a hero and how much they admired him. But some were less than enthusiastic. 

Poe had one of the panels off of Black One's port wing and he was showing Finn where a blown gasket had gotten jammed in one of the pressure releases. A man and a woman, both human, were walking by, at first engaged in light conversation. But when they spotted Finn their expressions soured. Finn would have felt their animosity even if he hadn't seen it; their resentment hung in the air around them like a dark cloud, casting shadows all around them wherever the light of the hangar deflected off of it.

"Hi Aphry, Hi Jena," said Poe as he noticed them out of the corner of his eye, "Anyway, so this slide valve here is supposed to shift left whenever that sensor I showed you goes off..."

"The red sensor, right?" said Finn. 

"Yeah, nice memory!" Poe's bright-eyed and broad-smiled compliments made Finn's pulse quicken. "And when that sens-"

"Never pictured you as one to sell secrets to the enemy, Dameron," said the woman, who Finn presumed was called Jena. She and Aphry shared a laugh. Finn's heart sank and he looked to the ground. Poe looked at Jena first, apparently oblivious to what she meant. Then he looked at Finn, who put all his strength into avoiding Poe's gaze. It must have been Finn's face that made him understand, because he stood up and walked over to Jena and Aphry, who had continued on their journey.

"What do you mean by that?" Poe asked. His voice was calm, genuine. Jena and Aphry turned around and exchanged confused glances. "What enemy am I selling secrets to?" Poe pressed. Jena nodded in Finn's direction. 

"Him. The stormtrooper." Poe looked back at Finn and then returned his gaze to Jena and Aphry. 

"Finn isn't an enemy, he's a hero. He got us onto Starkiller Base at great personal risk and was injured protecting a future Jedi. Why would you say something like that?" he asked with a sad scowl. Finn blinked away tears. It was one thing to be insulted and chided, it was another thing for his only friend on base to stick his neck out defending him. He wanted to ask Poe to stand down but he couldn't get the muscles in his face to move. 

"It was just a joke, Dameron, rel-" Aphry started.

"It wasn't a joke and you both should be ashamed. Please don't make comments like that ever again." Poe said earnestly. Jena and Aphry turned around and continued on their path out of the hangar. Poe returned to his perch underneath his X-wing, pausing a moment before resuming his presentation. "And when that sensor goes off, the slide valve is supposed to open and release carbon dioxide through this little flap right here..."

 

The second time Finn realized he had never seen Poe get angry was when they were having a drink in the base's cantina. They had just started officially dating a few weeks prior, and they were holding hands while sitting at the bar and working on their respective drinks.

Poe had to take an emergency message on his comlink and he stepped out of the cantina after planting a quick kiss on Finn's cheek. Finn surveyed the crowd, something to focus his energy on to keep from bursting at the seams. Being with Poe made him feel so light and happy and loved and cherished and trusted and safe. He was never on his guard with Poe. He never worried about upsetting Poe.

Even with his closest friends, Rey and Rose, the memories of his first encounters with them were of anger, mistrust, fear, and pain. He didn't fear them in the least, and he knew full well they would never hurt him again, but his brain seemed hardwired to never forget the ugliest parts of his interactions with others.

He had no such memories with Poe, nothing for his fearful mind to pull out of the shadows and remind him of whenever he considered saying something controversial. Not only had he never seen Poe angry, Poe had never been angry with him. Finn couldn't help but smile as he swirled the few remaining drops of his drink in his glass.

"Droid, I'll have two Rodian ales. One for me and one for this handsome smiling fellow over here," said a tall man as he strode up to the bar and stood next to Finn. He was muscular and toned, wispy blond hair crowning him like halo, lightly bronzed skin reflecting the multicolored lights of the cantina, sculpted jaw set into a confident smirk, and blue eyes looking Finn over from top to bottom. 

"No thank you, I'm here with my boyfriend," said Finn. His pulse beat erratically when he called Poe those words. _My boyfriend._ The man theatrically glanced around the bar.

"What boyfriend?" he said. He set the ale in front of Finn. 

"He had to take an important call but he'll be right back. See, his drink is right here," said Finn as he pointed to Poe's almost-empty glass.

"No call's so important that a real man would leave a catch like you alone at the bar," the man said. He downed his ale in one gulp, a drop of clear liquid running down his chiseled chin before he wiped it away with the back of his hand. _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

"He's the best pilot in the Resistance, he's one of the highest ranking officers on the base. He gets lots of important calls and he always answers them, even though he would rather spend all his down time with me. He-"

"Hey babe," said Poe as he rested a warm, gentle hand between Finn's shoulder blades, "I see you've met Trej. He does security for Republic brass." The man apparently called Trej laughed. 

"This scrawny little runt is the guy who left you sitting alone at the bar? You've gotta be kidding me. How many wild stories you have to tell to get this doll to give you the time of day, Dameron?" 

"Hey!" Finn exclaimed. Poe's hand slid down to his waist and came to rest gingerly on his hip. His touch was relaxed and his grip was nonexistent, for there didn't seem to be a single tense muscle in his body. 

"Are you doing okay?" Poe nearly whispered into Finn's ear. He seemed to be blissfully unaware of the unfolding scene of which they were at the center. His gaze rested on Finn as if he was the only thing in the universe and even now, with tensions rising and anger sitting low in his gut, Finn nearly beamed with how special Poe made him feel.

"Come on, Poe, let's get out of here," said Finn, grabbing Poe's hand and heading for the door. 

"Not even gonna finish the drink I bought you, huh? Figures," Trej scoffed. Finn's throat felt like it was collapsing. _No, Poe's going to think I... No!_

"Poe, it's not like that, I swear! I told him I didn't want it but he wouldn't-"

"It's okay, baby, it's okay," Poe soothed. He rubbed open-palmed circles across Finn's back as they made their way out of the cantina. 

"I didn't- I would never- Poe, I'm so sorry, I- I-" Tears streamed down Finn's cheeks. 

"Finn, sweetheart, no," said Poe as he stopped and took Finn's face in his hands. He brushed away the tears with his thumbs and kissed Finn's forehead, "Don't cry, sunshine, it's okay. I know nothing happened, I trust you completely. I know you, I love you. Nothing anybody says matters, all that matters is you. Do you believe me?" His big brown eyes were locked onto Finn like the turbolasers on his X-wing locked onto their targets. But unlike those turbolasers, Poe's gaze wasn't destructive. It wasn't territorial or violent or demeaning or suspicious or demanding. It was... reassuring. As if his two eyes existed only to tell Finn how much, how desperately and deeply he was loved. 

"Yes, I believe you," Finn whispered. They fell into a kiss that lasted well over a minute, until they were both breathless and giggling. They continued on their way back to the room they shared in relative silence until Finn spoke. 

"I still can't believe the nerve of that guy," he said, holding Poe's hand a little bit tighter, "First he wouldn't leave me alone, then he insulted you, and then he tried to make it look like I was stepping out on you, all within two minutes. What a jerk!"

"Yeah, Trej is a piece of work. Good thing he's only here whenever a Republic dignitary visits. I'm surprised any of them would venture out here what with everything going on..." Poe seemed lost in thought. Finn couldn't hold back a giggle. Poe looked at him and grinned. "What?"

 _How are you so calm? That guy hit on me, insulted you, and tried to drive us apart but you didn't get angry. You just... you_ are _peace. I don't really get it but it's what you are and you're beautiful. You're so damn beautiful the way the galaxy just bounces off of you and you just keep going, no matter what happens. You are peace, and you're so beautiful._

"I love you," Finn replied. Poe beamed. 

"I love you, too."

 

Finn found himself marveling yet again at the fact that he had never seen Poe angry. It wasn't necessarily a good thing, though. Poe was sitting on their bed with his back against the wall, staring down at his hands as they fidgeted with the zipper on his partially-removed flight suit. He was on his way to scout a First Order base that was under construction in the Ruusan system when the Republic dignitary that Trej was guarding pulled his squadron into an emergency meeting. He had reviewed their pre-mission briefing and believed that they were taking too many risks, behaving irresponsibly _just_ because of the victory at Starkiller Base. Poe disagreed and a debate ensued. When he couldn't beat Poe down with argument, he grounded him. 

"Grounded you?! What- how?!" Finn asked. Poe shrugged. 

"He said I was being insubordinate and brash. He said my flight plan was too risky and he ordered me grounded."

"But the Republic doesn't have any power with the Resistance!"

"This guy does. He's not here because he's Republic, he's here because his planet is the one the First Order is building on without his permission. He's got lots of money, lots of resources, and lots of allies that he threatened to take away if we didn't do the mission his way. And his way was without me."

"But... how could the General agree to that?"

"She told me she was sorry," Poe shrugged again, "but that this mission was more about building alliances than about recon, and I was more useful on the ground for that purpose this time around."

"She's sorry? Poe, why aren't you angry?" Finn asked. Poe looked up at him, perplexed. "It's tearing you up. You were born to fly, you're the best pilot in the Resistance, and you're a damn good diplomat. And they just threw you away because some senator didn't like you? It's wrong, Poe. It was wrong what they did to you. I can feel how it hurts you, Poe, it's okay to be angry. If you just let it sit there and fester, that hurt will swallow you whole. Why don't you just let it out and be done with it? Why don't you get angry? Please, Poe, let yourself be angry..." Finn begged. Tears gathered in Poe's eyes and he laced his fingers with Finn's. 

"I do get angry. I get angry a lot. That's why I'm here, I got angry at that senator and I guess I technically behaved insubordinately. I got angry when Jena and Aphry insulted you, I got angry when Trej wouldn't leave you alone, I got angry when I got grounded this morning... I get angry at a lot of things. I'm angry that the New Republic let the First Order go unchecked. I'm angry that the First Order destroyed the Hosnian System. I'm angry that they hurt you and made you their slave. I'm angry about how many friends I've lost over the years fighting a war that didn't need to be fought at first. I'm angry that I lost my mother before she could tell me she was proud of me. I'm angry... I'm so angry, Finn..." Poe said breathlessly.

He wasn't lying, Finn could feel it. It was a tightness, like a coiled-up beast stuffed into a cage that was too small but too strong to break out of. Poe was angry, and it was so beautiful. This man who Finn loved, who gave him a name and treated him with respect and trust, was just like him: a man with feelings that weren't always pleasant, who clenched his fists and ground his teeth and raised his voice and cried and kissed and hugged and begged and loved. A man with eyes as deep as open space and hair as dark as the night sky and skin as warm as the afternoon sun and hands as strong the pull of gravity and lips as gentle as a light breeze and a heart as vast the sentient spirit. A man who breathed in emotions and breathed out star fields and ocean waves and soft grassy fields. A man who was kind and gentle and loving and patient and compassionate and pure and good and smart and rational and loyal and moral and angry.

"Are you ever angry at me?" Finn asked, though he didn't mean to and immediately wished he hadn't. Poe clasped Finn's hands.

"No, baby, never at you. I've never been angry at you and I never will be. I can't. Sometimes I worry about you, or I get frustrated with you because you don't get enough sleep and put too much stress on your back or you won't tell me when something bothers you because you try to handle everything yourself even though that's not possible. But never angry. I get angry at situations, at things people do, at sensations, at words... but not at you. Never at you."

"Why not? It's okay to get angry."

"It's okay to get angry but not to hurt the people you love. And you... I love you. I love you so much and you've already had to put up with other people's anger and you don't deserve it. The First Order, Hux, Ren, Phasma, assholes like Jena and Aphry and Trej, they push all their anger on you and it weighs you down. I see how you flinch when people raise their voices, I see how you go over ever word and syllable in your head before you talk to people, I see how sometimes you're afraid of other people and it's wrong. It's wrong that you've had to put up with other people's feelings and be other people's punching bag and carry other people's weight and live with other people's burdens. It's wrong and I can't be a part of it. You're not a bantha, you shouldn't have to carry around other people's baggage. I do get angry, Finn, I do, but I go to the gym or I fly my ship or I eat or I drink or I sleep or I kiss you or I hold you or I make love with you or I deal with it somehow, far away from you because I would die before I made you share my burdens, too." 

"Poe..." Finn choked out. His own face with dripping with tears. "Poe, I love you. You've been there for me since we first met and I want to be there for you, too. You deal with your feelings in your own way and I love that about you, but please at least tell me when you're really upset, no matter what it's about. I won't try to comfort you or give you advice or anything, I just want to be on the same page, unless it's something you specifically really really don't want to talk about. Is that fair?" Finn asked. Poe nodded and they kissed. 

"That's fair," said Poe when they broke the kiss. He pulled Finn onto his lap and they sat in silence. They were happy, they were angry, they were sad, they were scared, and they were in love in their own ways. But together. 


	12. Daily FinnPoe #22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn deserves to get the most joy out of life that he possibly can, including from gross cafeteria food.  
> Post-TFA, pre-TLJ, canon divergent. Part 1 of 2 because I started this too late to finish it in time for the midnight cutoff.

Finn loved mealtimes on the Resistance base. The food was delicious, certainly, but more than anything he loved the gathering of people. Hundreds of Resistance soldiers gathered in the commissary to sit, talk, and eat together. The roar of conversation was thunderous and at times overwhelming, but it filled him with joy and made his bones rattle with an intoxicating warmth. 

Today was casserole day, and Finn gladly accepted a heaping scoop of orchana ray mash loaf from the Toydarian head chef. 

"There's my beautiful boy!" said the chef, "I think you'll like what we have today, son: stewed orchana ray from Manaan mixed with bread crumbs, spring peas, Nabooian bean sprouts, and my own blend of herbs and spices, baked to perfection for my most discerning soldier!" Finn had quickly become a favorite amongst the base staff. He was friendly, polite, courteous, remembered everyone's names, cleaned up after himself, and was always exceedingly grateful for whatever service was being provided. 

"It looks and smells great, Kabbo, I can't wait to try it! How are you today?" Finn asked. 

"Stupendous, my boy, and yourself?"

"I'm pretty good, thanks. Have a nice day!" Finn searched the commissary for his usual table and the familiar orange flightsuit that had drawn him there to begin with. He spotted the table and made his way over, nodding and waving at the people who greeted him along the way. Poe was already seated when he got there, and Finn swore Poe had been watching him with a smile just before he sat down. Poe seemed to do that a lot and it always lit a gentle little fire in Finn's chest

"Hey buddy, how's your day?" Poe asked as Finn took a seat next to him.

"Good, and yours?"

"Not bad. What've you been up to?"

"Well I had a meeting with General Organa early this morning- oh, sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. That's where I was." It had been Poe's idea to share a room when Finn officially committed himself to the Resistance, and Finn had enthusiastically agreed. He didn't know anyone else in the Resistance at the time and he cherished Poe's company. 

"No problem, bud. What'd you do after your meeting?"

"Well then I had a check-up with Dr. Kalonia about my back. And then I talked to Rey on the Holonet for a while, and then I had diplomacy training, and now here we are."

"How was your check-up?"

"Good! Dr. Kalonia said that my vertebrae are realigning well and I can start sniper training soon." Finn had made it clear to General Organa upon joining the Resistance that he would not partake in acts of violence unless the potential for collateral damage was zero, or close to it. Sniper training was the General's suggestion.

"Great! Hey Jess, hey Rose, hey Paige, hey Snap," Poe greeted his friends as they sat down. 

"Hey guys! Food looks great today, huh?" said Finn. Poe's friends had quickly taken to Finn and they found it hard to disagree with him on almost anything.

"Y-yeah..." said Paige, "it looks great!"

"Smells good, too!" said her younger sister, Rose. Poe knew when Rose was lying but Finn had yet to memorize her tells, so he nodded and smiled in agreement before digging in. In truth, mushed-up seafood that had been frozen in salty brine and shipped across the galaxy made a poor casserole, but Finn had nothing to compare it to, and his friends had no right to ruin his enthusiasm.

"Kabbo and his crew always make the best food. We're really lucky to have them," said Poe, "Right, guys?" he said to his friends across the table with a semi-threatening smile. Finn was already nearly done with his portion by the time his friends finished agreeing with Poe. 

"So Finn, what was food in the First Order like?" Jess asked.

"We got one ration pack at midday. If we had no infractions and high marks in training sims we could eat in the officer's commissary once a week, but it was just hard bread and bland yogurt. This is a million times better!" His friends' trays were clean within minutes. 

"I mean, yeah Kabbo's gang does good cafeteria food, but have you ever had a home cooked meal?" Jess said after choking down her last bite of casserole. 

"I... guess not. But this is my home and this is a good meal!" Finn replied. 

"Oh buddy, I'll ask my dad to send me the recipe to his Yavinese meat pies and I'll make them for you one of these days. You'll love it," said Poe. 

"Yeah! I've got a holotext for kebabs that my moms used to make when I was a kid, I'll make those for you, too," said Jess.

"I can't cook for shit but I saw a recipe for Rodian fried dough balls in the Holonet the other day..." said Paige as she nudged Rose.

"...Aaaaand I would be happy to make them. She's right, she can't cook for shit," said Rose.

"I could throw together some steamed noodles with vegetable sauce, I suppose," said Snap. Finn beamed.

"You guys would all cook... for me?"

"Of course, buddy! Maybe we can all cook on Centaxday, when the kitchen crew has the night off," Poe suggested. Finn blushed. 

"I... thank you. You guys don't know how much that means to me," said Finn.

"That's what friends are for!" said Rose. 

"So it's settled: next Centaxday night we take over the kitchens and give Finn his first home cooked meal!" Poe proclaimed. The table agreed and everyone took their leave. Finn left the commissary with Poe, per their daily custom, but he stalled when he was supposed to head down the hall. 

"Poe..." he began. His eyes dropped to the floor and his cheeks were flushed. 

"What is it, buddy, everything okay?" Poe asked. The concern etched in his arched brow made Finn's heart flutter. He threw his arms around Poe's waist and rested his chin in his shoulder. 

"Thank you." Poe instinctively wrapped his arms around Finn, a massive grin spreading across his face. 

"Anything for you, Finn."


	13. Daily FinnPoe #26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 3

Five nights in a row. Last night was the fifth in a row in which Finn couldn’t fall asleep, his pillowcase dotted with tears as his thoughts hovered over Poe in the cot on the other side of the room. Finn had been having trouble sleeping for a few weeks, but the past five days had been the absolute worst. The only way he got any sleep was to come back to the room when he had a few minutes of free time and nap. He spent the entire night laying on his side, choking back whimpers and hoping, praying that his roommate was having a more restful night than he.

Finn wouldn’t trade roommates for the galaxy. Poe was delightful to be around and his smiling face was a welcome source of familiarity when Finn was new to the Resistance. But the experience had become painful over the past few months.

Finn realized early on that he was falling in love with Poe. He had his suspicions ever since they met on the Finalizer, but rooming with Poe only cemented the fact in his mind and soul. Every waking second, “I love you” sat on the tip of his tongue, anxious to spill out and tell Poe how he felt. But as much as Finn wanted more, as much as he wanted to hold Poe’s hand and sleep next to him and kiss him, he feared the outcome too much to do anything about it. 

Poe’s ceaseless kindness was one of the things that drew Finn to him originally. Poe had treated him with nothing but kindness, respect, dignity, and compassion from the second they met. Poe was the first person to treat Finn like that: another person. He gave him a nickname and his first possession. It made Finn feel _so damn special_.

But Poe treated everyone like they were special. Finn loved that about him, but it made him wonder whether Poe gave him a nickname and a jacket because he cared about Finn or because he was so instinctively kind. Had Poe treated him like a human being because he really thought that way, or because it was his reflex to be unflinchingly kind to anything and everything that moved. The fear that loomed over him like a dark cloud at all times was that Poe felt nothing special towards Finn. That to him, Finn was just one of his many friends

However, being just a friend was preferable to whatever would happen if Finn told Poe how he felt and Poe didn’t feel the same way. It would surely ruin whatever meager relationship they had, and there were only a few things in the galaxy that frightened Finn more than that. 

Instead Finn kept his feelings to himself, even if he felt like he was being crushed from the inside out by the weight of his burden. Every day it got harder, no doubt exacerbated by lack of sleep. Every day Poe’s face and voice and words stabbed deeper into his heart and stayed there, twisting like daggers and distracting him from whatever he was working on. 

It couldn’t continue. Finn joined the Resistance to make a difference, to help people. He was all but useless at that when he couldn’t focus on the task at hand. Even eating was a chore when he was sleep-deprived and couldn’t get his mind off of the man sitting next to him on the commissary bench. Why did Poe always have to sit next to him?

Finn looked at the time on the chrono and got up, shutting off his alarm five minutes early and heading to the fresher to get ready for the day. He stalled, though, just for a moment as he glanced at the man still sleeping before him. His long black eyelashes rested peacefully against his soft tan skin, perpetually-smiling lips set in a faint grin, and thick, wavy black hair tangled atop his head. But he looked away almost as quickly as his gaze had been drawn to him. Finn made it an effort to limit his attention to Poe to glances, for he feared he wouldn’t be able to pull his eyes away if he allowed himself more.

As he brushed his teeth and scrubbed his face at the sink that morning, Finn knew he had to tell Poe how he felt. It was clear that his feelings weren’t going anywhere, and he couldn’t let them interfere with his work. He elected to tell him later that night, when they left the party Blue Squadron was hosting in honor of the Huttball playoffs on the Holonet. 

They would go to breakfast together and Poe would chatter about something he saw on the Holonet or something funny he forgot to tell Finn the previous day. His voice was like music and his frequent giggles were like fireworks. He always remembered what Finn’s plans for the day were and he told Finn where he would be if he needed him for anything. _Anything at all._ Oh, how Finn wished he wouldn’t say that.

It felt good to have a plan, but his throat constricted and his eyes burned at the thought of destroying what bond with Poe he had. He turned the faucet to full power to block out the sound and wept. 


	14. Daily FinnPoe #27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 3

Five nights in a row. Last night was the fifth night in a row in which Poe couldn’t sleep. His nights had been plagued by restlessness and interrupted sleep for weeks, but it got progressively worse with every passing day. Now he didn’t get a moment of sleep at night, and the only way he kept from passing out from exhaustion was to sneak naps in throughout the day. Last night had been the worst yet. Tears poured from his eyes, down his face, and into his ears as he thought about Finn, sleeping in the cot against the opposite wall.

It wasn’t Finn that kept him awake at night, per se. Finn was quiet and peaceful to room with. He was also soft, kind, gentle, patient, compassionate, friendly, elegant, intelligent, radiant, warm, considerate… But there inlay the problem. Finn was all of these things are more, and when they were in the same small room together, talking and laughing and watching holovids, Poe couldn’t ignore a single one of them.

He loved him. He loved him genuinely, unconditionally, wholeheartedly, helplessly, painfully, intensely, _pathetically_ and he couldn’t tell him. Not without risking what little relationship they had. 

There was no one in the galaxy like Finn, of that Poe was certain. No one so strong, kind, determined, resilient, gentle, smart, friendly, and selfless. He was, in Poe’s eyes and in the eyes of many others, flawless. He was perfect in every conceivable way, untainted by the ugliness and selfishness and apathy that plagued the rest of the galaxy in spite of the way the First Order tried to kill his soul. 

What did Poe have to offer a person like that? What would ever make a person like Finn fall for plain old Poe Dameron? Sure, he could fly anything with an engine and he was an okay cook… Force, it sounded more pathetic the more he thought about it! What hope did Poe have of ever being more than friends with this man, this sentient beam of starlight? Finn could be with anyone in the galaxy he wanted, a person who could make him feel special and lift him up and encourage him the way he deserved. Someone closer to this level. Certainly not simple farm boy-turned-pilot Poe Dameron.

Such thoughts made him bite his lips to hold in sobs as Finn slumbered across the room, but he couldn’t silence them. It was so tempting to walk over to Finn’s cot, place a hand on his shoulder, and whisper “I love you”. Perhaps releasing the weight in his chest with those three little words would ease the pain, but there would be no going back. There would be no way to undo those words, no way to go back to the friendship they had right before he said them. If Poe let his feelings slip and Finn didn’t feel the same way, which Poe believed he didn’t, there was no way to go rewind time. Their cherished bond would disappear forever.

So Poe kept his mouth shut, instead filling the silence with immaterial chatter. Every it got more difficult. Every day Finn got more amazing, every night Poe got less sleep, and every day his resolve waned. Every day he spaced out while working on his ship, every day he trailed off in the middle of a conversation when he spotted Finn out of the corner of his eye. Every day his strength weakened and he dropped tools and dozed off. Every day he felt like he was wasting away and every day he realized more and more that something had to be done. 

He had to tell him. If he held it in much longer, he might fall apart. He owed it to be Finn to be honest with him, he owed it to himself to be true to his feelings, and most of all, he owed it to the Resistance to always be in his best shape, ready to jump in an X-wing and blow something up at a moment’s notice. He couldn’t do that like this. Even if Finn turned him away, which seemed like the only possible outcome, at least he wouldn’t be struggling to hide anything anymore. He decided he would tell Finn that night, when they were walking back from the Huttball watch party. 

He heard Finn stir next to him and pretended to be asleep as he stood up. Finn paused for a moment before going to the fresher, probably double-checking the time, and then the door shut behind him. Poe sat up as soon as the door shut and ran his fingers through his hair. He was already dizzy with exhaustion but he figured he would be fine after a few cups of caf with breakfast. He and Finn liked their caf the same way: two parts caf, one part bantha milk, and a packet of sweetener. They would walk to the commissary and have their breakfast can caf together like every other morning, and Poe would pretend that nothing was wrong.

But he couldn’t get the sickening, heart-crushing feeling that it would be the last time out of his head. When Finn turned the faucet on full blast in the fresher, Poe took advantage of the noise to sob into his pillow. 


	15. Daily FinnPoe #28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of 3

The day had been utter hell for the both of them. Finn had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he dropped an entire tool box on the hangar floor when he was helping Rose fix something, and the sound was nearly deafening. He slunk back to his room to cry and then nap shortly after. Poe had forgotten an important detail on a mission debrief he was sharing with Admiral Ackbar and he got berated by General Organa in front of his entire squadron for being unprepared. He hid in a maintenance closet when he had a free minute and bawled. The day’s end was a blessing of sorts for the both of them, but it only brought them closer to the end of the night.

The watch party had probably been fun for everyone else, but neither Finn nor Poe enjoyed themselves. They sat through the game and smiled or nodded when someone said something, but neither of them made conversation with others and they kept an eye on each other, though neither knew why. Reflex, most likely. 

They fled the party when the game ended, walking back to their room in silence. Occasionally their arms brushed or their hands touched but neither of them recoiled. As far as either of them knew, it would be the last time they would be so close. 

Finn broke first. He stopped for a moment, his weary body unwilling to take him any further.   
“You okay, bud?” Poe asked. His face was shadowed with concern. 

“Y-yeah, I- Yeah. S-sorry.” They stood still, gazing into each other’s eyes in silence. _Does he know?_ Finn wondered. There was something so… sad in Poe’s eyes.

 _He’s figured it out, hasn’t he? He knows I love him and now he doesn’t want anything to do with me._ Poe contemplated as he shifted his weight nervously. His eyes began to burn. 

“I can go, if- if that’s what you want. I-I can leave you alone, if you would be more comfortable…” Poe nearly whispered. Finn frowned. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. “Did I- was it something I said?” Finn choked out. 

“N-no, I just thought…” Poe trailed off. They had stopped in front of the hangar and they could see the tarmac from where they were standing. The tarmac where they had reunited so many months ago. “Remember that day on the tarmac?” said Poe as he nodded in that direction. Finn smiled. 

“Yeah. It was a crazy day. I thought I’d lost you but then there you were again…” Finn pretended to scatch his cheek as he brushed a tear away, “That was… hard. On Jakku, when I couldn’t find you. I had never felt hurt like that, like when the wreckage sank in the sand and I thought you were dead.”

“Me too. I felt like I had failed you when the ship went down and I couldn’t find you. When I saw you the next time, I told myself I would never fail you again… And I don’t want to ruin our friendship but… I respect you too much to keep hiding this from you. You deserve to know…” Poe let the tears fall now, there was no use in holding them back. He blinked hard when he thought he saw matching streams on Finn’s cheeks. 

“You don’t feel the same way, do you?” Finn wept. “It’s okay, I understand, really.” 

“What’re you talking about?” said Poe. 

“Please don’t make me say it…” Finn whispered, “It hurts so much, Poe.”

“You don’t need to. I’ve always known. I know you never felt about me the way I do about you. I just… You’re so amazing, Finn. You’re just incredible and I couldn’t stop loving you even if I tried. But I-” 

“Wait, what?“ said Finn with a quick shake of his head. Poe froze and all the color drained from his face. 

“I-I’m sorry, I thought you knew…”

“No! Poe…you…love me?” Poe nodded almost guiltily. “Poe… I love you,” Finn said. Poe’s eyes appeared to double in size. 

“You… Really?”

“Yes! Poe…” Finn began to sob as a grin spread across his face. Poe threw his arms around Finn and Finn took him in with grip like a vice. They bawled on each other’s shoulders, hands desperately clutching every inch of the other’s body they could reach. 

“I love you,” Poe whispered into Finn’s ear. 

“I love you, too,” Finn whispered back. Somehow they made it back to their room, though neither of them remembered how. They awoke the next morning tangled together, their cots pushed together and extra blankets piled up like a mattress to simulate a proper bed. It was well after the times they were supposed to report for duty but they were too distracted to panic.

They brought their lips together and pulled each other close, their smiles only mildly impeding their kiss. They were panting when they finally pulled apart. 

“Good morning,” said Finn. He traced Poe’s jaw with his thumb, “I love you.”

“Good morning. I love you, too,” said Poe as he rested his head against Finn’s. 

They stayed intertwined, only pulling apart slightly to use their data pads to call in sick. Tomorrow they would wake up, prepare for their day, go to breakfast, endure the stares and jokes, complete their daily tasks, and then come home. To each other. In just a few hours a new life had been forged, a bright light by which two young men would be guided even more confidently to fight for what was right.


	16. Daily FinnPoe #52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 2. 
> 
> This is a snippet of something I may or may not ever expand on. The context is that Finn, Poe, and the Resistance are running from the First Order and the ship they’re flying on has been damaged. The only part that isn’t damaged is the bridge, which is sealed off from everything else. Poe appears to have been killed in the event that damaged the ship and Finn is sitting by the door that cuts the bridge off from the rest of the ship because Poe is on the other side and he wants to be as close to him as possible.
> 
> How was the ship damaged? What kind of damage does the ship have? How does Poe survive this damage (you know he does, it’s a not a spoiler, I said before that no gays shall be buried on my watch)? If Poe survived then why didn’t the First Order forces that were chasing them? No idea! I came up with this in bed at 4 am.

“I’m sorry, Finn,” said Leia.

“Don’t,” Finn snapped, keeping his head against the door. Leia laid a hand on his shoulder.

“He w-” she began. Finn shot up and shoved her hand away, pivoting to look her dead in the eye.

“What are you going to say? He was a good man? He lived a good life? He was a hero? I don’t want to hear it. He gave his life for you. He DIED for you! And all you can say is you’re ‘sorry’ and 'he was a good man’?!”

“I understand your pain, Finn, I really do. But Poe understood the risks and deemed them worth it to-”

“SHUT UP!” Finn’s voice shook the interior of the ship and its passengers turned to gape in abject horror. “How many people do you have to suck in, chew up, and spit out before it becomes not worth it?! How many people have to die for you to realize what you’re doing isn’t working?! If you really are fighting the good fight but there’s no one left when it’s over, was it worth it?! Is it worth sacrificing everyone to win for the sake of winning?! Tell me, General! Who has to die for you to realize that your Resistance has become the very thing you personally despise, a thing that uses people until they’ve served their purpose and then throws them away?! Poe is GONE because of YOU! He may have to just been a pair of boots to the Resistance but he was the love of my life! HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE'S LOVES HAVE TO DIE BEFORE IT’S NOT WORTH IT?!”

The other passengers gazed in terror at a silent General Organa. Finn returned to his vigil at the door, tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping onto the floor. Leia remained where she stood but her stare was empty, untethered. A gut-wrenching silence held the ship in a vice grip for over a minute, shattered only by a weak wrap on the other side of the door.

“Hey… lemme in, please,” said a tiny voice. Finn opened the door to crumpled mass of orange flight suit, topped with a head of curly black hair.

“POE!” he screamed. He threw his arms around Poe’s midsection and pulled him to his chest.

“We need a medic!” General Organa called out. Kalonia and a mini battalion of med droids rushed to Poe’s side. Finn cradled him tightly to his chest, nestling his face in the hair at the crown of Poe’s forehead and sobbing.

“I’m okay, babe,” Poe rasped, a shaky, crusty blood-covered hand stretching out to stroke Finn’s bicep.


	17. Daily FinnPoe #53

Leia all but tiptoed into Poe’s room. The Resistance’s best pilot slumbered propped up in his cot, hands bound with bandages and arms and neck flecked with kolto strips. Finn sat at his side, facing the door. His right arm was draped across Poe’s middle and his head rested on Poe’s right shoulder. Leia made her way to Poe’s side and rested a hand on his unbandaged wrist. His life signs were stable and the monitor machine beeped cheerily at a steady interval.

“I’m not going to apologize and I won’t take back what I said,” said Finn, startling Leia.

“I… I didn’t come looking for an apology.”

“Good.”

“You were right, Finn.”

“I know.”

“I came by to check on Commander Dameron but since you’re here, I want you to know I plan to reevaluate our guerrilla and space strategies for the next quarter.”

“I’m sure that means a lot to the people who are still dead,” Finn stated plainly, “But since you’re here, I want you to know that I never signed on with the Resistance for the Resistance’s sake. I’ve spent enough of my life anchored to an organization that throws bodies at its problems and claims to fight for the greater good. I’m here to fight the First Order, to do what’s right. For the galaxy, for my friends, for me, and for him,” he stroked Poe’s hip with his thumb, “The Resistance happens to be the best way to do it right now.”

“I understand, and I value your honesty. I hope you will consider taking a more active role in strategizing going forward…” said Leia with bated breath. Finn sighed.

“Yeah. I would like that. And General… thank you for listening.”


	18. Daily FinnPoe #54

The codex Finn received when he officially signed on with the Resistance said that D'Qar was a temperate, semitropical planet. It never said anything about thunderstorms rolling through nearly every night.

The rain was nice. Soothing, even. Like the whooshing sound of the air passing through Poe’s nostrils when he slept. The thunder was another matter.

The inches-thick durasteel doors that were standard in all First Order architecture made a similar sound when they closed. It echoed down the halls and shook one to the bone if they stood too close.

And whenever there was a midnight thunderstorm, Finn was jarred from his sleep by the sound of heavy doors shutting behind him, not knowing where his squad was and dreading his punishment for falling out of formation.

He whimpered as the sounds of his old life roared around him. The shirt he was sleeping in (the shirt Poe wore under his flight suit that day) was soaked with sweat and clung to his skin in a sticky embrace. A warm, gentle hand slid between his skin and the fabric and rubbed open-palmed circles on his upper back.

“It’s okay, baby, I got you,” whispered Poe. He wrapped his free arm around Finn’s shoulders and kissed his temple. Finn maneuvered his arms around Poe’s neck and wove their legs together. “You’re safe, sweetie. You’re okay. I love you _so_ much, shooting star.” He massaged the base of Finn’s neck with his thumb, pointer, and middle finger.

Finn’s bones seemed to disappear and he melted across Poe’s form, filling in any empty space he could reach. “I love you, too,” said Finn, his lips dusting against Poe’s ear. He nestled his nose into Poe’s hair and breathed steadily. “I hate these storms, though.”

“I know you do, darling. I would pull all the clouds out of the sky if I could, love, but I haven’t figured out how yet. You’ll be the first to know when I do, okay?” Poe grinned as he kissed Finn’s shoulder.

Finn couldn’t help but smile back. “Okay. But don’t t-” Finn began just as the sky roared and the whole base seemed to shake. He flinched hard and dug his fingers into Poe’s shirt, his whole body trembling.

“Damn… let me see if I can find my flight ear protection,” said Poe as he moved to get out of bed. Finn clutched his torso.

“It won’t make a difference, it doesn’t matter if I hear it as long as I can feel it. Please don’t go,” Finn begged. Poe laid back down.

“You got it, sweetheart. Where can you feel it?”

“My chest and my back,” Finn replied. Poe snuck his left arm around Finn’s back and rested his right on Finn’s chest. He began tapping his fingers on Finn’s skin, one after another in a cycle, each touch rippling through Finn’s body like a drop of water in a lake, magnifying the longer he went on.

“Just pay attention to my hands, okay? Focus on your breathing, listen to my voice, and try to go back to sleep,” Poe whispered almost inaudibly as he gently nudged Finn’s ear with his nose and lips, “Remember it’s just you and me here, okay? Just you and me and… well… BB-8 in hibernation mode over in the corner there. But this right here, where you are right now? You’re perfectly safe. The sounds you’re hearing aren’t real, not anymore. And one day soon this war will be over and we’ll have our own place and you won’t even remember those sounds. I love you so, so much, sunshine…” Poe continued on for so long his voice was beginning to go hoarse.

The thunder raged outside but Finn paid it no mind. His body felt as though it was glowing, and he couldn’t hear the doors anymore. If hadn’t seen the flash of lightning out of the corner of his eye, he would have thought the storm had passed.

Poe’s words became a jumbled mess and the ripples of touch echoing throughout his body sapped all the tension from his muscles as he drifted back to sleep.


	19. Daily FinnPoe #55

The alarm on the chrono ripped through the sticky D’Qar morning air and jarred Finn out of a deep sleep. It was 0700 and both he and Poe were due for a morning briefing in the command center in an hour. 

“Uughhhhhhhhhhhhh,” he groaned as he slowly sat up in bed. The sun was pouring through the single rectangular window directly opposite their bed and his eyes stung. BB-8 emerged from hibernation mode and saluted Finn with its manipulator. Finn nodded in reply and rolled over so that his stomach was touching Poe’s back. “Good morning, flyboy,” he whispered as he kissed Poe’s upper back. No response. “Poe, it’s time to get up, we’ve only got fifty-eight minutes until we have to meet with the General.” No response. “Baaaabe, come on, we have to get uuuuppppp.” No response. Finn laid on top of Poe and ran both his hands through Poe’s thick ebon hair, nosing his ear and kissing his neck in between each syllable, “Wake. Up. Poe. Dameron.” 

Poe stirred. “I dont wanna,” he complained into his pillow. 

“If I have to be up this early then so do you,” said Finn. Poe flipped over and Finn couldn’t stifle his grin at the pillow creases indented on Poe’s face, his lips pursed together in a tired pout, and his eye lids barely hanging open. 

“You don’t _have_ to be up this early. It’s not that long of a walk from here to the command center. You could wake up at 0745 and still make it there with plenty of time. 

“And walk in five minutes late with food in my mouth and smelling like the inside of your x-wing? I have a reputation to uphold.” 

“I think you smell good right now.”

“You’re nose-blind.”

“Am not. I just happen to like it when you smell like day-old grease and sweat.”

“Yuck. You don’t like the smell of my yogin body wash?”

“No, I never said _thaaaat_ …” said Poe as he stroked Finn’s jawline with his fingertips. Finn laughed and flopped onto his back. Poe flipped onto his side and kissed his temple. “Good morning. I love you.”

“Good morning,” Finn chuckled, “I love you, too.” Their eyes fell shut and if the chrono hadn’t gone off a second time at 0715, they never would have made it to their briefing on time. 


	20. Daily FinnPoe #58

Finn hadn’t known what to expect when the First Order was defeated. It had seemed like such a lofty goal, so hilariously distant that it didn’t bear serious consideration.  
He and Poe would talk about moving onto his dad’s ranch and living simply together on Yavin IV, or buying a loveshack on the beaches of Zeltros, or renting the penthouse of one of Coronet’s skyscrapers so they could see the city lights every night.

But when it came down to it, neither of them were ready to part with the Resistance. Neither of them could walk away from helping people. The First Order was gone but there were plenty of other “bad guys”, as Poe called them, who needed to be taken down.

So they took some time off, moved their few meager possessions to Yavin IV, got married under the Force tree in a small but beautiful ceremony, honeymooned on a little island on Yavin IV’s Verdant Coast, and spent a few weeks in abject boredom before returning to the Resistance.

They had been back for a few months, currently stalking a crime syndicate flagship through Chiss space with the intention of dismantling their illegal weapons factories upon arrival. Poe had been in the command center for hours now, and would be for many more if not distracted.

Finn hadn’t eaten yet, so he stopped by the commissary and picked up two meals to go. Bringing an offering of food would be a good excuse to interrupt his husband ( _husband!_ The word still made his heart leap after nearly a year) during one of his private strategizing sessions. Not that Finn needed an excuse, of course. Poe was _his husband_!

Finn tapped the door switch with his elbow and entered the command center. He was about to speak when he caught sight of _his husband_ standing over an enlarged map of the sector they were in. Poe always wore his flightsuit, and tonight the top was unzipped and hanging around his waist. He wore a plain white short-sleeved tee-shirt that accented his muscular frame. His mop of curly black hair was underlit by the console and looked prime for a gentle hand or two to comb through.

Finn paused, a giddy smile inching across his face. _Stars, I love him so much. Look at him. He’s so beautiful… Sweet space, I’m pathetically and hopelessly smitten. I love him so much it almost hurts. If I don’t touch him in the next ten seconds I’m going to implode._

“Good evening, General Dameron-Skywalker,” said Finn as he continued on his way over to Poe. Poe flipped around, hair bouncing, lips smiling, and eyes lighting up. He met Finn half way and took the boxes of food from his hands, setting them down on the nearest console before wrapping an arm around his waist and stroking his cheek with the other hand. Finn rooted one hand in Poe’s hair and one on his side as they met for a long, deep kiss. They were a little breathless when they finally managed to pull apart.

“And good evening to you, General Skywalker-Dameron. Thanks for dinner. How was your day?” There were no chairs wide enough to seat them side-by-side so they sat together on the floor, pressed as closely together as possible.

“Good. We’ve had a lot of luck testing those new stun mods on the E-34 blasters. They’re painless and powerful. I think they’ll be ready to hand out to the elite commandos for beta runs soon. I think they’ll increase our live capture rate by thirty-three percent or so. How was yours?” Finn didn’t like Rylothian rock peppers and Poe wasn’t fond of Dantooinian winter sprouts, so they fished through each other’s noodle salads before digging into their own.

“Pretty good. We’ve narrowed their approach vector down to three systems. We sent out a group of scouts earlier and I’m expecting their reports within the next few minutes. I don’t think I’ll be much longer but if you want to head back to the room without me, that’s okay,” said Poe. Finn shook his head.

“Nah-uh. That place is too empty without my husband. Besides, I haven’t seen you for hours, I missed you!” Poe beamed and they leaned in for another kiss.

“I missed you, too, baby. I can’t wait for you to be done optimizing the guerrilla troops so you’ll be back up here a little more.”

“Me too, the tech division smells like grease and the training wing smells like sweat. Plus I like the company better up here,” said Finn as he squeezed Poe’s hand. Poe raised their hands to kiss Finn’s knuckles and threw away their empty food containers. The scouting reports came in and Poe issued some orders, with a few recommendations from _his husband_ , and they retreated to their room for the night.

“Hey General?” said Poe as they neared their room.

“Yes, General?” Finn replied. They clasped each other’s hands a little tighter.

“I love you.” They kissed as the door to their room unlocked.

“I love you, too.”


	21. Daily FinnPoe #59

“Rey!” said a soft voice as Rey felt a tug on her elbow. She turned to see Finn, his face aglow and his eyes glittering. He was biting down on his lips to restrain wide grin.

“Hey, Finn! What’s going on?” she asked. Finn nodded in the direction of the tool room and Rey followed him. She had wanted to finish cleaning out the Falcon’s fuel injectors before they landed on Nar Kreeta, but she could always spare a few minutes for Finn. Especially when he was so… giddy.

The Falcon’s “tool room” was not so much a room as it was a corner of the cargo hold that had been partitioned off from the rest of the space with a floor-to-ceiling tool cabinet that brimmed with hydrospanners, fluxes, spare parts, nuts, bolts, and the like. There was just enough space for them to stand behind the cabinet together, and the meager light that penetrated the few spaces in between the tangled mass of junk on the shelves lit up Finn’s face like a sunrise.

“I kissed Poe,” he giggled when they were sure they were alone.

“Huh?” said Rey with a slight turn of her head.

“I. Kissed. Poe. And Poe kissed me! Well, technically we kissed each other, but the point is that we kissed! He’s so amazing, Rey! Sweet space, I’m hopeless, aren’t I? I really am in love with him.”

“Finally!” Rey said as they hugged, “We’ve been stuck on the Falcon for weeks and you only just worked up the courage now?”

“Well I couldn’t just walk up to him and plant a smooch on him, I didn’t even know if he liked me! We were working on the hyperdrive compressor - which you did a real number on, by the way - and our hands kept touching and we were talking and one thing led to another and…” Finn sniffled and his voice cracked, “He said I was beautiful.”

“That’s really great, Finn, I’m so happy for you,” said Rey as she patted Finn’s shoulders. Finn wiped a tear from his cheek with the palm of his hand.

“Thank you, Rey. He just makes me feel so special. We’re gonna meet in here tonight to talk and I’m really excited but also really nervous. Do you think I should change?” Finn asked as he pulled at his shirt and looked down to examine it.

“Into what, more of his clothes?” Rey giggled.

“Well maybe Snap would let me borrow something of his… but that’s not important, I’m so excited!”

“I’m excited for you! But I need to finish this project before we land. Make sure you tell me how it goes, okay?”

“You’ll be the first to know! Thank you so much for listening!”


	22. Daily FinnPoe #60

“POE!” Finn screamed as he shot up onto his elbows in bed. The air in their room in the Resistance hideout on Rutallin was cold, like the rest of the arid planet, and and made the droplets of sweat on his forehead feel like icicles.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay, it’s alright, I’m right here, you’re safe,” said Poe as he sat up and pulled Finn into a tight embrace. He clutched Finn’s torso to his body with his left arm and held his head and stroked his hair with his left, planting big, sloppy kisses on his temple.

“Th-they took me back, Poe!” Finn sobbed into Poe’s neck, “They pulled me out of bed and I was- I was crying for you but you weren’t there!”

“I’m right here, sunshine, I’m right here and they’re far, far away. They can’t get to you, sweetie, they don’t even know where you are. You’re safe right here with me. I won’t let anything happen to you. I will _never_ let them touch you again. I’ll protect you, baby. With everything I have and everything in my power, I’ll protect you. Take deep breaths, okay? I’ll do it with you.” Poe inhaled for four seconds, held his breath for two, and exhaled for five. Finn matched him and he felt his muscles begin to relax. Poe rubbed circles on the dimples in his shoulder blades with his thumbs and kissed his hair line.

“Th-thank you,” said Finn after a few minutes of silence.

“Shh,” said Poe, “don’t thank me, love. Think you can get back to sleep?” Poe asked. Finn nodded. “Want me to keep holding you?” Poe wondered if he sounded as hopeful as he felt. Finn nodded once more. “Sleep well, shooting star. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


	23. Daily FinnPoe #62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not my best work, the phrasing is super awkward and the dialogue is weird, but I'm way behind and I've been working on this way for a few days so it's time to cut my losses. Hope you all still like it.

"-nd make sure you swab out that erolite condenser before you reattach the port sub-oxidizer, otherwise it'll drip condensation all over th-" Poe said as he pointed to an x-shaped part in the door of his x-wing. Finn had asked Poe to give him a lesson in starship maintenance. Anything was better than wandering aimlessly around the base, waiting for his back to heal up enough to begin active duty. But more than anything, Finn enjoyed being around Poe. At least he thought he did. Sometimes it was difficult to tell whether that tightening sensation in his chest that he got whenever he saw the Resistance's best pilot was enjoyable or not. But the way his body and mind soared whenever Poe touched him, which was surprisingly often, told him it was. 

"Finn = not listening," BB-8 stated, "Finn = should be more attentive. Sub-oxidization erolitolisis = vital component of-"

"Bee, leave Finn alone," said Poe. He patted Finn's elbow with a grease-covered hand, leaving both grease and goosebumps on Finn's exposed skin. "Ignore him, he's just cranky because I tripped over him this morning and knocked him out of his hibernation port. They really should've written some 'let it go' protocols into his programming." Poe's crooked, goofy smile made Finn's heart sizzle. 

"BB-8 = works hard! BB-8 = expects rest time to be respected! BB-8 = will roll on top of Poe Dameron at night; BB-8 = will see how Poe Dameron likes it!"

"It's my fault, if you hadn't given me your bunk, you wouldn't have tripped over BB-8 when you got up this morning," said Finn. Poe had insisted on Finn rooming with him, since Poe was the only person on the base he knew at the time, and Finn wasn't hard to convince. But Poe had also insisted on Finn taking his bunk and Poe taking the roll-out cot on the floor, at least until Finn's back healed up. Finn felt guilty for disturbing the delicate ecology of Poe's room, but he elevated vantage point gave him an incredible view of Poe's serene bronzed face as he fell asleep at night.

"No, no, not at all," Poe gently laid a hand on Finn's knee, "It's my fault, I woke up too late and I was in a rush. I'm sorry about that, Bee," said Poe over his shoulder, though he kept his eyes on Finn. Poe's voice dripped with sincerity in the same way Finn's hands were now dripping with sweat. He wiped them discretely on his pants, his eyes locked onto Poe's while the pilot maintained an intoxicating hold on his knee. 

"Why Poe Dameron = looking @ Finn? Poe Dameron = apologize to BB-8, should look @ BB-8!" BB-8 scolded. Poe blinked as though emerging from a trance and then turned to look at BB-8. The loss of Poe's warm, delicate touch almost made Finn whimper. Poe and the droid exchanged some words but Finn understood none of it.

_Why was he looking at me like that? Why was he touching me like that? I bet he treats everyone like that. Or does he? I haven't seen him treat other people that way... but he is really friendly... Is it possible that he... Could he... Get it together, Finn!_

"Huh?" said Finn when he noticed Poe turning back to him and saying something. BB-8 had rolled away.

"I said I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable just now. I didn't mean to invade your personal space," said Poe sheepishly. Finn laughed, causing Poe to furrow his brow. 

"You don't need to worry about that, Poe. I wasn't uncomfortable. _At all_ ," said Finn less smoothly than he intended. Poe blushed. 

"I'll keep that in mind..."

"So you were saying about the erolite condenser?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. If too much condensation drips onto the thermal regulator stabilizer it'll stop venting excess heat out the exterior shaft and cook your wing from the inside out. Can you hand me that scrubber?" Poe pointed to a wire rod lined with scrubbing bristles and Finn handed it to him. He set the scrubber into Poe's open palm, his fingers trailing over Poe's before their hands merged together. Finn wondered if his chest would be bruised from the force of his heart pounding against it. 

"Sorry..." said Finn. He didn't move his hand. Poe smiled. 

"Don't be," he slid the scrubber out from between their clasped hands and used it to point to the erolite condenser. Their hands stayed together, coming to rest on their knees. Poe beamed as he spoke, but his words failed to resonate with Finn. Eventually they had to go to a meeting. After that they got dinner at the commissary and walked back to their room. Their hands didn't separate even for a moment.


	24. Daily FinnPoe #80

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of... that scene... because it was handed to Rian Johnson on a silver platter and yet he *still* managed to fuck it up supremely

Why Finn was on the command level, he wasn't sure. He knew Poe would be there because Poe told him so back in med bay, but that was the only possible reason. Maybe a part of him longed to see some familiarity in the foreign hustle and bustle that was the Resistance flagship. But the most likely explanation, Finn realized, was that he didn't want to let the tension inside him fester any longer than it had to.

Finn didn't want to be there. He didn't want to fight. Call it fate, call it the Force, call it whatever, but Finn wasn't there of his own volition. And he wanted Poe to know that. The way Poe had looked at him when he woke up back in med bay... If the warmth in Poe's gaze was due to some misguided admiration, then it needed to be quelled. If it was from something else... then it was something else.

He could make out Poe's voice, though it didn't have the softness it had earlier. He walked past the command center, trying not to look like he was listening to the hitches and scratches in Poe's voice.

"We didn't have a choice, General! That dreadnought could flatten continents and it was gunning for the Raddus. You never would've broken atmosphere and made the jump before they fired on you, we had to take it out!" Poe was trying to so hard to control his volume, Finn could tell, but whatever was going on in there was clearly eating at him.

"I understand your argument, Poe, but I disagree with your conclusion. You didn't have to sacrifice your whole squad-" 

"You think I planned to?! You think I _wanted_ to?!" Was Poe crying? He looked like he had been back in med bay, but Finn figured he was just tired.

A blur of orange came rushing out the door just as Finn walked past and he and Poe almost collided. 

"Oh, hey, Finn," said Poe with a light tap on Finn's elbow. His hand hovered there, barely touching him and yet still lighting him on fire. His eyes were glassy with tears and his lower lids were even more red than they were in med bay. He was holding something in his other hand, but Finn didn't check to see what it was.

"Hey, Poe," said Finn. There it was again, that few seconds of silence, eyes locked and faces struggling to remain impassive. It was painfully brief, just like when they reunited on D'Qar.

"I was just on my way to look for you. How're you getting along so far?" he asked, inconspicuously wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. Finn blinked out of his trance. 

"Good. It's a small ship, compared to what I'm used to. I was just on my way to see the commissary. What's wrong?"

"The commissary sounds great right now, I could use some grub. I'll walk with you. Er, I mean, i-if you don't mind..."

"Not at all!" Finn hoped he didn't sound as desperate as he felt. They took off towards the commissary, dodging Resistance soldiers like acrobats in the narrow hallway. It was the perfect time to talk to him about it. There was nothing pressing that he could be distracting him from, at least not that Finn knew of, and he had Poe's full attention. "Poe, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, buddy, anything!"

"So, you blew up Starkiller Base..." Finn began.

"We did, yep."

"Rey beat Kylo and the Resistance got the map. You won, right?" Finn stopped and turned to Poe, who turned to look back at him. "So why doesn't this feel like winning?"

Poe shrugged, a sad but restrained frown tugging at his lips "We came out of hiding to attack Starkiller, it didn't take long for the First Order to find our base. Now we gotta regroup and go back at 'em!" he said with a tired, halfhearted smile. Finn drew in closer, partly to keep people from walking in between them, partly so no one could hear him, and partly because of a sudden hunger for physical proximity. 

"Look, I believe in what you guys are doing here but I didn't join this army. I don't want you to think I'm something I'm not..."

"Hey, hey," Poe soothed, gently laying his free hand on Finn's bicep, "It's fine. You're alright, you're here, with us," he pressed something soft and flat against Finn's chest, "Where you're always welcome. No matter what." Finn sighed with relief. He had wanted to be on the same page with Poe, though he had worried it would cost him his new friend. But Poe was smiling warmly, his deep brown eyes soft with some kind of emotion Finn wasn't comfortable putting a name to. Finn took the object Poe held to his chest and looked at it, the sight sending shivers and heat waves through his body. "It's your jacket," said Poe softly, "I'm not much of a sewer- is that a word? Seamstress? Sempter?"

"Seamster..." Finn mumbled as he looked down at the garment. He hoped Poe couldn't see his shaking hands as he slowly traced the mending with his fingers. The jacket had been painstakingly repaired with what appeared to be large staples, the kind used to temporarily attached wires to walls. The staples covered the mark on the shoulder as well as the gash on the back. Although the dingy metal itself looked... rustic, the repairs themselves were neat and tidy, the staples contouring the curved tears in the leather closely. The marks were still visible, of course, but just like the ones on his body, they had been patched up with care. Finn's gaze floated up to meet Poe's. The burning, glowing sensation in his gut made him feel like he'd swallowed a sun.

"Yes, that, thank you. But, y'know, there was a lot going on. I think it will still work for now, but you'll probably want to find a tailor the next time we dock somewhere."

"It's perfect..." said Finn in little more than a whisper. If he could have pulled his eyes away he would have, but as it was... The sights, sounds, and sensations of the harried throngs of Resistance members faded away. All that remained was a pilot with a lopsided but sincere smile who took time out of protecting the Resistance, the galaxy's last hope against fascism, to mend a silly jacket for a man he'd scarcely known for more than a few days.

"I was gonna bring it to you after I stopped in the c- well, it's not important. It's probably good to have something familiar, huh?" Poe didn't know how right he was. He probably didn't even realize what he had done. That silly jacket was Finn's first possession. All his clothes and armor he'd worn throughout his entire life were stamped with serial numbers, as all property of the First Order was. The food he'd eaten, the tools he'd used, the weapons he'd fired, the bunks he'd slept in, all of it had been used by hundreds of troopers before and would be used by hundreds of troopers after him. None of it had been his. Nothing had been his. Until that jacket. And Poe had fixed it, so it could keep being his for as long as he wanted. 

"Yeah..." said Finn. The logical part of his brain screamed at him to look up or down or left or right, to tear his gaze away from Poe's face, but the other parts of his brain weren't listening. Poe held his smile and nodded towards the commissary. 

"We should get moving before the dinner rush sets in." Finn nodded and they resumed their journey. 


	25. Daily FinnPoe #85

_Hold his hand. He won’t mind. Now is the perfect time. We’re just friends chatting, friends grab each other’s hands sometimes, it’s totally normal._

_Shut up. Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t blow this. If you do anything that makes him uncomfortable you’ll ruin a beautiful friendship. Don’t risk it._

Finn had stopped by Poe’s room earlier that morning, grin wide and eyes bright, so they could walk to breakfast together. It had become their habit, and Poe’s favorite part of the day. Nothing motivated him to crawl out of bed when his joints were sore like the prospect of seeing the way Finn’s cheeks glowed with reflected light when he laughed, the way his nostrils flared a little when he sighed, the way his eye brows shifted and wiggled when he was telling a story, the way his beautiful brown eyes went so soft when he was listening intently, the way his pointy ears moved slightly when he was holding in a really hard laugh…

Finn had arrived at his usual time that morning (0745 exactly) and they were now on their way to the cafeteria. They purposefully took the long route, though they would never admit it.

Finn was telling a story about something funny R2-D2 said to Luke during training yesterday. Finn was a beautifully animated person. His natural posture was like a silky river lily blossoming against the warmth of an early morning sun. He was graceful and elegant and yet so open and welcoming. His hands and arms waved and flowed like petals in a gentle breeze as he spoke, and every day the urge to put his hand in Finn’s got harder and harder for Poe to resist. He tried to distract himself, tried to focus on every syllable escaping Finn’s mouth, but his will was wearing thin.

_We put our hands on each other’s arms and shoulders all the time, this isn’t that different. Holding hands isn’t inherently romantic, friends do it all-_

_NO. If you grab his hand he might get uncomfortable. He might not want to see you anymore. He might say he doesn’t like you that way. He might shrug it off and ignore it. Is that what you want? You want to lose him forever? Now put your damn hands in your pockets and stop-_

Poe’s inner dialogue was interrupted by a warm embrace around his hand, accented by five points of light pressure wrapped around his knuckles. Finn had… taken his hand?!

“Is this okay?” Finn almost whispered as he turned his head to look into Poe’s eyes. They stopped in the middle of the hallway. Poe choked out an anxious laugh.

“Yyesss! Uh, I mean, yeah. More than okay. I’ve… actually wanted to do this for a long time…” he stammered. Finn smiled and let out a relieved sigh. When the corners of his lips turned upwards it felt like a dam had broken, and Poe’s chest was slammed with a flood of a whole bunch of feelings that he was frankly too giddy to analyze.

“Me too,” said Finn. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds and Poe swore the entire universe had fallen away and left only he and Finn in its place.

“Oh get a freakin room,” Paige yelled as she made a dramatic show of having to walk around them. They laughed and continued their journey to the cafeteria. Hand-in-hand.


	26. Daily FinnPoe #88

“Hey,” Poe paused as he laid a hand on Finn’s elbow. The little spark that always hit him when their bodies touched lit a fire in him as he looked back at Poe. _I love you_. “I’m really glad you’re here. You could go anywhere in the galaxy, do anything you want. But you chose to stay here and I’ll do anything to make sure you don’t regret it, okay?” _I love you._

“Poe… thank you,” Finn choked out. His elbow burned where Poe’s hand hovered. His own hand came to rest on Poe’s elbow. In that moment the war was over, the galaxy was healing, the dead were at peace, everyone was happy, and the stars sang haunting melodies that burned across the light years and hummed in every atom of every being, and it was just him and Poe. Finn was clutching Poe’s arm now but he was too entranced to be embarrassed. He knew the moment wouldn’t last forever and he had to sop up every last detail so he could hold onto it when the universe was at its bleakest. _I love you._

“Commander, General Organa wants to see you on the bridge,” said Kaydel as she rounded the corner. She stopped abruptly at the sight of them and slowly began to back away.

Poe disconnected his gaze from Finn’s, the loss leaving a tangible emptiness in Finn’s gut.

“Huh? Oh, okay, thanks, Kay. Be right there.” He turned back to Finn and smiled sadly. “Let me know if you need anything, okay? You have my frequency.”

“I will. Thank you again,” said Finn as he let his arm fall to his side. Poe nodded and patted his arm one last time before following Kaydel back to the bridge.

_I love you._


	27. Daily FinnPoe #89

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Poe catches Rose about to capture Finn when he goes to the escape pods

“What the hell are you doing?! Put that thing down!” a familiar voice erupted from the hall. Rose turned away from Finn for a moment to glare back at the voice, which, much to Finn’s horror, belonged to Poe. _No…_ Poe’s brow was arched in angry confusion as he marched towards them.

“He’s a traitor, Commander!” Rose explained. _Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dam-_

“Put that taser down before you hurt somebody, Rose! What were you thinking?!” Poe demanded. He turned to Finn, setting aside his harsh voice and pointed glare for a moment. He placed a gentle hand on Finn’s shoulder and in that moment Finn knew he made the right decision not telling Poe he was leaving.

Finn wasn’t doing anything wrong, that much he knew for certain. And no one on that ship had any right to treat him otherwise. But Poe wouldn’t have. Poe would have understood. Poe would have been supportive. And that was why Finn didn’t want to talk to him about it.

He knew he would lose his resolve if he had to stare into Poe’s disappointed but understanding eyes and tell him he was leaving. He knew he would second-guess himself, or even change his mind and decide not to leave. But he had to leave. He didn’t want to jump back into the war after just breaking free. And he didn’t want Rey to come back to a trap.

“Are you okay, Finn?” Poe asked softly.

“I- Yeah, it’s-” Finn began.

“He’s a coward and a traitor! He was jumping in an escape pod when I found him! I was gonna bring him to the brig to rot with the other deserters,” said Rose as she holstered her taser. Finn felt a lump materialize in his throat and his gut clenched as he watched Poe make the connection. He looked at Finn for a few seconds, still confused but slowly catching on.

“Poe, it’s not… Look… I…” Finn stumbled over his words. He gave up trying to speak and just looked back at Poe, hoping Poe could see something in him that told him it wasn’t the way Rose made it sound.

“Well… the Resistance doesn’t treat people like that,” said Poe as he looked back at Rose, “Especially if they aren’t part of our ranks. Finn’s a civilian, Rose, we have no right to detain him. And besides, the Resistance is strictly volunteer. No one is conscripted and no one is required to stay.” Poe then turned back to Finn. Finn swallowed hard. He wasn’t worried about Poe’s reaction, he just didn’t want to see it. It made leaving seem less like the only option. Finn spoke before Poe could.

“I’m not running away. The Resistance is doomed, okay?” Finn couldn’t help but take note of the way Poe seemed to shrink when he said it, “I don’t like saying it but it’s true. Unless we can disable that hyperspace tracker, this ship and everyone on it is going to be obliterated. It’s not right to let Rey come back to a trap. And I don’t think I should have to stay in one, either. This isn’t my fight, I shouldn’t have to trade one army for another. I care a-”

“Wait, what are you talking about? What hyperspace tracker?” Rose interrupted. Poe was silent, his gaze fixated on the empty space between Finn and Rose.

“The First Order is tracking us through hyperspace. We jumped from D'Qar and they found us. We jumped to random coordinates and they found us again. Somehow they have a hyperspace tracker on this ship and-”

“No, that’s not possible,” said Rose, “It would have to be on their ship. The capitol ship…”

“What’re you thinking, Rose?” Poe asked distantly.

“We might be able to disable that tracker, but I need to do some research quick. Meet me in the work shop in fifteen minutes.” Rose pivoted on her heels and took off down the hall. They stared after her until she disappeared from sight. Poe then slowly turned back to Finn.

“You could have used one of our shuttles, you know. You didn’t need to use an escape pod.”

“That would’ve meant I had to talk to you about it,” Finn replied.

“Why didn’t you? I understand why you don’t want to stay but I wish you would’ve told me.”

“Poe, I know you mean well, but you don’t get it. I don’t trust the Resistance. I support the cause but it’s just another army, okay? And I just left an army! I was scared of how the others would react. I know you would’ve supported my decision, but I didn’t know about anyone else. And I was right! Rose almost knocked me out and threw me in a cell! I was afraid that if I told you, others would find out and I would get locked up or something.”

“I see…” said Poe. He appeared to be deep in thought.

“But… that’s not all… I was afraid that… if I talked to you about it I would change my mind.”

“Why?”

“Because… you were the first person to treat me like a person. You and I have already been through a lot together, and I don’t want to walk away from our friendship…” he felt his throat growing tighter but he had no way to stop it, “But my conscience won’t let me serve a new army, and it won’t let me allow Rey to come back from Ahch-To into a war zone. I want to follow what my conscience is telling me but I knew that if I talked to you about leaving, you would be supportive and kind and it would make me want to stay. You’re a special kind of familiar, and as much as I deserve to live a life far away from a war, I also deserve some sense of familiarity. I don’t know when Rey is coming back and I don’t like the idea of being all alone running through space until she does. If I had come to you about this from the beginning, I would’ve lost my nerve and stayed behind, even if I knew it wasn’t the best thing to do. This way I planned to just leave and get it over with.”

“Finn… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I dragged you into this fight to begin with, dragging you back to Jakku in that stolen TIE-fighter when you just wanted to get away. I’m sorry you got injured, and I’m sorry you were afraid of how the Resistance would react to you wanting to leave. You didn’t owe me an explanation and I’m sorry I didn’t understand that until now. Thank you for explaining how you feel to me, and just know that I support your decision and I want what’s best for you. But… I’ll miss you.” Poe patted his shoulder like he did back on the tarmac on D'Qar, open-palmed and whole-heartedly.

“Miss me? I’m not going anywhere now,” Finn replied. Poe blinked. “If that hyperspace tracker is on the capitol ship, I can get us to it. I served on that ship. If there’s any hope of saving this ship at all, and if I can help, I want to. Because I still believe in the Resistance’s cause. Because it’s the right thing to do.” A smile tugged at Finn’s lips and a matching one blossomed on Poe’s, albeit weaker and more reluctant.

“You don’t have to do this, Finn. You can get in that escape pod or grab a shuttle right now and leave this whole damn war behind.”

“I know I can, but I don’t want to anymore. Let’s go, before Rose comes looking for us,” said Finn with a nod in the direction of the hallway. Poe beamed and nodded back.

“Follow me, buddy.”


	28. Daily FinnPoe #90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippet from an AU (not the previous one) where Poe finds Finn about to jump in an escape pod and Finn tries to convince Poe to come with him.

“Poe, come with me. We can get in this pod right now and make a new life. You, me, and Rey, we can find some backwater mud ball and start over. Rey’s the best, you two will get along perfectly. We can get jobs or we can farm or something, anything, we don’t have to live and die in war. We deserve better than this, Poe. We can have it. Come with me.” Finn knew Poe would say no. Poe was devoted to the Resistance, and in his devotion he had no doubt accepted a long time ago that something like this could happen. But Finn had to ask. Now that they were face-to-face, now that the initial hurdle of telling Poe had been jumped, he had to ask him.

Finn was a realist but he still held on to hope that maybe, just maybe, Poe was tired of being cannon fodder. Maybe, just maybe, he would jump in the escape pod with Finn and they would jettison to whatever planet was close by. Maybe they would get their hands on a ship. Maybe they would journey to the far Outer Rim, near the edge of wild space. Maybe then Rey would come. Maybe then the three of them could get jobs, just simple day labor until they had enough money for a house or an apartment. Maybe they would buy a little plot of land far from civilization. Maybe they would build a cottage and till fields for their food. Maybe they would work all day and then sit together on the porch at night to watch the sunset. They wouldn’t need anyone else. They wouldn’t want anyone else. They would have each other and their farm house and their porch and their sunsets and that was more than enough. Maybe Poe could see the farm house, too. Maybe it was calling to him the way it was to Finn. Maybe. Just maybe.

“Finn…” Poe whispered. His voice was strained and he swallowed hard before contuining, “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Finn urged. He had known what Poe’s answer would be but that didn’t make it any easier to hear, “The pod is right here, Poe, we could jump in and we would be free. Forever.” Perhaps Poe’s rejection would have been easier to take if he hadn’t looked so… incongruously sad when he said it. He wanted to come, Finn could see it. He knew how easy it would be to jump in that pod right now and just go. He wanted to, but he couldn’t.

“Take care of yourself,” said Poe as he squeezed Finn’s shoulder. Finn swallowed.

“Okay.”

“Head towards the stern when you detach, they’ll have a harder time picking you up on their scanners. Make sure y-”

And then it hit Finn like a battering ram. Poe was still talking but he couldn’t hear him. The First Order was undoubtedly channeling to brunt of its technological power into that hyperspace tracker. The scope of the other scanners would be reduced or even shut down.

“POE THAT’S IT!” Finn exclaimed as he grabbed onto Poe’s shoulders. Poe didn’t bother hiding his confusion.

“What’re you talking about?”

“The scanners! If they can’t scan us, they won’t know we’re coming!” Finn explained.

“Finn… what are you saying?”

“I think I have a plan to escape. If it works, we might have just enough fuel left over to flee. It’s risky, but I don’t think there’s much of a choice. But I need you to trust me. Can you trust me, Poe?”

Poe latched onto Finn’s biceps. “Buddy, you know I do.

Finn beamed. "We’re gonna do this.”

“Yeah?” Poe said with a smile.

“Okay, here’s what I’m thinking…”


	29. Daily FinnPoe #100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My 100th Daily FinnPoe!!! I was originally going to post this for Day 1 of Finn Appreciation Week but I went with something else (the previous post). Don't forget to check out Finn Appreciation Week (April 9th-16th, 2018) on AO3 and Tumblr!

The grass and dirt crunched softly beneath Finn's boots as he walked the path from the Resistance base to the lake. It was mid morning and sunny, with storm clouds looming on the horizon. The rays of the sun clung to each curve and dip in the dark grey-blue orbs, making them glow on the rims. There was a faint breeze that chilled the tops of his ears, but otherwise he was comfortable. 

He just needed a break from the base. The constant pang of combat boots on durasteel, the rumble of mobs of voices in every room, the sickly fluorescent lighting, the cramped hallways, the clutter of broken machines scattered everywhere, sometimes it was almost suffocating. He didn't hate life on D'Qar, quite the opposite, but sometimes he just needed fresh air.

The path was littered with plant debris and a few fallen trees, and Finn had to duck and stretch to pass through. The final barrier was the trunk of a massive oboo tree that stretched the entire width of the path. The bark had been worn away where travelers would sit down and swing their legs over the tree's girth to reach the other side. Finn did the same and the water came into view. 

The lake was surrounded by jungle along its entire perimeter, with less than a meter of black sandy shore before the crystalline blue-green water began. It was a shallow lake, a popular place for Resistance fighters to cool off on hot days.

But it wasn't warm enough to swim today, so Finn was completely alone. The only sounds to be heard were the soft rustle of the leaves at the tops of the trees and the distant squawks of the jungle creatures. The lake almost never had waves, and as usual it was flat like a green- and blue-tinted mirror, completely silent with no gentle lapping upon the shore. 

Finn sat down on a boulder and exhaled deeply, pushing out the swarm of sensations that clogged his brain and breathing in silence, peace, and fresh air. The quiet was like a warm weighted blanket pulled over his entire body, and he released the tension in his shoulders and unclenched his fists as his muscles began to go lax. 

He sat and stared at the lake for the longest time, his eyes sweeping over every inch of the ebon shoreline and plunging deep into the watery blue-green expanse. If he held his breath he could feel the water swallowing him up from the spaces between his toes and up into his ears. He removed himself from the passage of time, his mind suspended in the aquatic stasis while his body lingered upon his perch on the boulder. Somewhere in his mind he registered the shadow of an x-wing flying over head, but he didn't give it much thought. 

Perhaps even more important than the silence of his environment was the silence within his head. Finn learned long ago that his senses, though absolutely necessary, were not always his friends. Every sight, sound, smell, and touch echoed in his brain, with high-sensory situations producing a deafening roar within his skull. But out here it melted away, and it was quiet everywhere. No sound, sight, smell, or touch could permeate his lonely barrier.

And it was lonely. All his life he had been lonely, cut off from his fellow troopers by a wall of heir own construction, with only the strictly-enforced, discomforting sound void to keep him company. In the First Order, quiet was terrifying. It was perpetual suspense, the feeling of being on edge, waiting to be randomly selected for conditioning, watching for cruel officers and hostile squad mates, always looking over his shoulder. Nothin made a sound until it was too late to react, though Finn spent his entire life trying to hone his reaction time.

But something changed when he left. Maybe it was already back in Tuanul, he wasn't certain. He didn't have to strain to take in every piece of sensory data anymore. Now it seemed to all cold to him naturally, and all at once. When it was too much, he went outside. Where the silence wasn't absence of sound so much as it was harmony, harmony he could feel in his bones and even deeper. Harmony that let him sense - not see, hear, smell, or touch, but sense - everything around him.

It allowed him to sense the presence of something warm coming towards him. He couldn't see or hear it but he would know its gait anywhere, the unique pattern of vibrations it made as it moved gracefully across the ground. He knew it in the sky, too, though not by its vibrations.

Finn's body and mind reconnected and he turned around just as Poe rounded the corner from the trail. Poe smiled at him in that way he always had, with joy at his very existence and excitement at his presence and love. Finn couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey buddy," Poe said quietly. He approached Finn and gently stretched an arm across his shoulders. Finn leaned into him and rested his head in the crook of Poe's neck, closing his eyes and deeply breathing in the air around him. 

"Hey baby," Finn replied.

"Mind if I join you?" Poe asked.

"Please." Poe climbed up on the boulder and sat behind Finn with his legs hugging Finn's. Finn leaned back against him and closed his eyes.

"You doing okay?" Poe asked. Finn intertwined their hands and rested them on his stomach. The breeze had picked up a little and the storm was getting closer. Soon they would have to go inside if they didn't want to get caught in the rain. But they still had a little time to sit together, just the two of them and the jungle. 

"Yeah," Finn almost whispered. Poe tightened his arms around his waist. "Yeah, I'm okay."


	30. Daily FinnPoe #168

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally part 2 of 2! See chapter 12 (day 22) for part 1!

Finn flopped down on his bed with a contented sigh. The forepromised dinner courtesy of Poe, Jess, Rose, and Snap had been delicious. His favorite dish was a toss-up between Poe's father's Yavini meat pies and Jess's mother's kebabs. But everything was fantastic, and he ate more in that one meal than he surmised he had in an entire week with the First Order.

Everyone cleaned up and then made their way back to their respective rooms, groaning and yawning and complaining of being stuffed the entire way. Finn and Poe had walked back together, Poe telling Finn about something funny his father, Kes, said when he asked for the recipe. Now Finn was sprawled out across his bed, food-induced sleep threatening to take hold of him. He closed his eyes and exhaled, fully prepared to pass out, when Poe gently draped a blanket over him. Finn smiled before he opened his eyes.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," said Poe quietly.

"No, no, you didn't," said Finn, "Poe... thank you."

"No problem! Didn't want you to be cold."

"Well, yes, thank you for the blanket, but I meant for dinner and for sharing a room with me and introducing me to everyone on bass and making me feel... home." Poe smiled and sat down on Finn's bed.

"You don't need to thank me or anyone else for any of that. It's the least you deserve. I wish I could give you more."

"Well..." said Finn, "you could lay down with me, if you want to..." Finn wondered for a moment if he had stepped out of line. Until Poe climbed under the blanket and laid next to Finn. Poe was laying on his back and Finn rotated to lay partially on Poe and partially on the bed, chest-to-chest. "Is this okay?" he asked.

Poe snuck an arm around Finn's shoulders and smiled warmly. "Perfect."


End file.
